Step families and finances!

[CandiedPeach]

Mostly just thinking/worrying at the moment. We have discussed it slightly and he’s given me no reason to doubt he’ll be very fair in regards to money.

But I’m wondering what’s ‘normal’ (I know there’s no such thing) in step families in regards to how money is split and spent. We don’t currently live together so it’s not been a issue but we’re having a baby (a little bit a unplanned one). So that will change in time and I’ll be taking time off with the baby. I’ve already got one dc and I guess I feel a bit weird about him paying for her, but I also don’t want my children to be treated differently.
We’ve been discussing Christmas presents and my bf suggested rather than buying dd something he’d just give me some money towards her presents from Santa and I don’t know I feel a little odd about it. Then I think I’m being silly and his suggestion is probably the most practical really. He did say he’d like to get her one present she can open with him, he’s probably not going to be here Christmas morning.

I guess I’m overthinking things a bit because it feels we’ve been pushed to this stage and it’s happening quicker than I’d have planned.
Any step families who’ve got this all sorted and working who can share there tips would be greatly appreciated and give me a idea of what we need to discuss specifically.
I don’t want to fully combine our money, I want to have my own account etc, even when we live together. And no plans to marry, I know that can make a difference to some things.

Does he have other children ? You don't really clarify the "step family" situation. If he has other children , that is a big deal and needs to be taken into consideration.

When my dad asked my now step mum to move in, he had no children at home and she had 2 still at home.

I’ve always respected my dads stance that blending households meant blending families completely. I’ve got from an only child to one of 5 and that’s exactly how it should be!

All the men I know who are in step families, ‘raising children not their own’ (if we must term it that way) treat the step children no differently to their own, be it in day to day spending, Christmas presents, or anything else. Christmas presents are bought jointly with mum, no different to their biological children. I think there would need to be a very good reason not to do it this way.

Oh, no he doesn’t have any other children @Birdie6. I just meant as in he’d be my dd’s step dad. Although we aren’t married and won’t be calling him her step dad, I just didn’t know how else to phrase it .

How do those who treat them all the same deal with the other parent and family. So my dd obviously has her dad and he’ll buy her gifts may give her spending money (when she’s older). But ours together would get the same as dd from us.
I know I’m thinking way into the future here, when the kids would actually know what’s happening and who’s getting what. But I want things to be consistent, where possible.

And I guess we’ll need to discuss inheritance etc. And family presents etc, he’s already said his parents have bought my dd Christmas presents for this year. But I guess discussing what will happen when the baby is here next year might be a good idea.

And it probably sounds really silly that we’ve not already discussed these things. But the baby was quite a surprise and we’d agreed before that, to take moving and stuff very slowly.

We’ve already discussed childcare etc, as I wasn’t sure if he moved in if I’d still get my childcare paid. He said he that wasn’t a issue and obviously he’d pay/contribute just like he will all other living costs. I just didn’t clarify what he considered living costs.