DV? I’m confused. Please give opinions

[nonicks]

I’m so upset. Me and OH sometimes row, as what happens when you live together. My children have heard our words sometimes but last Sunday morning it took on a whole different level.

My children were at their dads so they didn’t hear anything.

I’ll try and keep this short but after me and their dad split I got with someone who used to emotionally and physically assult me. A very angry man who wouldn’t accept that I couldn’t take anymore. I will add that I never lived with him, my children never saw what he did to me but they were exposed to him stalking me, he broke us.

I moved on. Concentrated on my children, but was broken inside. Dated a bit (my children were not exposed to this), I’ve now found someone who I thought was the one, I know it sounds crap but I really thought he was.

He’s told me he’s cheated in the past. He gave his reasons. I must admit it was a red flag but I believed and tried to understand his reasoning behind it all although I did say if things were that bad then maybe he could have just left. Not my place to judge though.

He is very flirty, if I’m honest it makes me feel insecure. He’s told me too much I think which is my problem.

We had a huge row last Sunday morning (my children were not here) It got physical. He always threatens to leave me if we row. He tried to walk out and push me out of the way, I tried to stop him by trying to hold him and pathetically begging him not to go, it ended up with him telling me to leave him alone but I was so upset I wouldn’t let it go as I want honesty and not to be lied to, I know he lies about stupid stuff which messes with my head. It ended up with him strangling me, pushing me backwards over my coffee table. That really hurt me. I was on the floor, he was walking out, I grabbed his leg and begged him again not to go, he was so angry he stood on my chest with both feet, I heard something crack. I’ve been in pain ever since.

I’m so ashamed and embarrassed, I swore I would never allow this to happen again to me. Thing is I know he regrets it and I’m trying to hide the pain from everyone.

I know it’s going to be LTB but I just needed to get it out.

My children have no knowledge of this, they are my priority. I just feel so lost and alone. Sorry it’s long.

how do link names
Do you mean nonicks or @nonicks which will send an email notification from MN that you've been mentioned in a post?

Using * at the beginning and end of the user name, or an abbrev of the name (like Sprite, or, Christmas)

It's was the highlighting but the @ is even better, thank you @ChristmasSprite

Sounds like u may have a broken rib if u heard a crack and having the weight of a man on ur chest that isn't surprising.
This is bad OP I hope u have since realised this man is not the one, so stop wasting ur time and call it a day before something worse happens, uv seen what kind of man he really is..
At some point he is gunna hurt u again and/or cheat..

I don't tend to use the @ a lot if there's threads busy with lots of posters or email can get inundated with notifications! Normally OPs will check their threads for replies, well I do, but I guess some might only check replies from emails

Firstly, I'm so sorry OP that this has happened to you, please know it is entirely HIS fault and you did NOT deserve this in any way.

Secondly, PLEASE please please go and get checked over medically. That crack was very likely a fracture or break. A fractured rib can shift in place and puncture a lung, and if it was your sternum (bone in the middle of your rib cage), not only will it take far longer to heal but can also splinter and lead to a lot of punctured organs. You NEED an X-Ray, because not having one is putting your life at risk.

He is also putting your life, and your children's lives, at risk. Please make sure he never hurts you or your children again, because he could easily turn on them one day.

Please go to the doctor for an X-ray, you need to know how bad the fracture is.

I just read in one of your post 'he is being so nice now'. You're back in contact post him strangling you and standing on your chest? Wowzers. So you need to not be in contact with him. @BitOfFun's comment re your template for relationships being fucked up. Please stop contact with him. Your kids are your priority so stop contact with this man. He will do it again and it's scary that his first incident of physical abuse with you went straight to strangulation - this guy is a well practised abuser and he is one teeny tiny step away from hospitalising you. That will impact your kids.

Thankyou, it took me years to see it but from the minute he packed his stuff and left my house I never looked back, was scared of being on my own I think, scared of losing the good bits (I now see there weren't any only his bullshit) I thought I would be alone and never meet anyone else in my 30s! Stupid I know! As it happened I went on to meet someone amazing that showed me even more how poisonous my ex was, people like that don't ever change, an ex from when he was 20 told me what he was like and at 38 he was still the same vile person. Do get checked out at the Drs or hospital please

He strangled you. There is nothing, except death, for him to do after that.

Yes, damn right it's LTB. Before the only way you can leave is via a coffin.

Lauren is a great example of how its not you OP! She went on to meet a decent bloke, not perfect, just not abusive (sorry Lauren I guess he could be perfect )
It's about him, not you. Your safety always come first though so best to plan things quietly and carefully with WA when you call.

He isn't far off Christmas! got a DS and another on the way now too. If I hadn't kicked the bastard out I dread to think what I would be like now, I lost myself for a few years but luckily I was one of those that saw him for what he was and got out and so will you nonicks

' Not my place to judge though.'

yes it IS your place to judge. It's necessary for you to do that in order to make decisions as to how you move forward.

We are all reading this and making our own judgement. Rightly so.

I'd call the police on this shitbag, make him think twice about doing it to someone else.

And go to hospital to check that there's no other internal damage, and to record the incident.

You really should get checked out at hospital.

This is one of the worst DV posts I've read on MN.

If you let him back in your life, he will end up killing you. Your children will know about that.

If he’s physically hurt your children’s mother and impacted family finances then you haven’t shielded your children. Go to your GP and stop making excuses for not doing so.

Embarrassed and shame are what protect these fuckers. I had been assaulted twice by my Ex and the second time I was in the local supermarket on what felt like the hottest day of 2010 in a bloody turtleneck and scarf. The only way I could stop being ‘that’ woman (a woman who hides) was to take the damn scarf off and yes I got stares (hell I was getting those anyway). However, it was that sense of empowerment that I wasn’t going to hide that got me through the court case and six years of contact battles with the dick afterwards.

Abusive men can smell a vulnerable woman at a 1,000 paces, it’s their skill. We on the other hand, aren’t aware of the things that make us vulnerable and the pressure to ‘be nice’ and ‘understanding‘ compounds that.

Take the first step in not hiding and letting shame and embarrassment rule, by getting your stubborn arse to your GP.

Please please take the advice of people on here. This is horrific. You will always be stronger than you think. Think of your children. You are no good to them if he kills or seriously injures you.

ALL women, and men BTW, have vulnerabilities, its just that abusers use them to make the women more vulnerable, that is not a woman's fault. Its his.Agent sorry, but you just sounded a bit like you were taking some of the blame off the abuser there and making it hers for having vulnerabilities.

These abusers don't march through the door and start setting about you, its tactics that groom and erode and dig at vulnerabilities, and manipulations that leave a woman feeling destroyed and unable, frozen, from acting, he did that.

Lauren

You must seek medical advice, OP. It's for a medical professional to decide whether you can safely treat with just a heat pad. And please, tell the nurse what really happened, even if you don't want to report.

The debt is a way to control you.
Threatening to walk out every time you argue is a way to control you.
Telling you about his previous cheating and then flirting in front of you is a way to control you.

This domestic abuse has been going on way before it got violent.

Now to the practicalities - whose house is it? Renting or owned? Do you have anywhere you can go to regroup - parents, friends?

In terms of the debt, I assume he has tricked you into taking it all out in your name, no doubt because of his 'poor credit rating'? This can be dealt with, although I feel it would go better if you had reported him for his violent assault, so a pattern of abuse had been established. (I don't have any evidence for that but I think it can't hurt from that perspective).

Please get yourself to a place of safety. Soon.

Please get yourself properly checked out - you cannot tell what damage has been done - from what you describe it could be ribs or it could be your sternum or even a spinal fracture. Without being checked you do not know whether there are any bone fragments that may cause you considerable damage at a later date if they penetrate your lung or spinal cord.

Please get some help in RL

abusive relationship after abusive relationship. just stay single. concentrate on your children.