Have I jumped the gun?

[Mugg]

Partner of 3 years, never any reason to doubt him. Passed me his phone tonight and asked me to clear his fb notifications. Went into messenger to mark the messages as read and saw one off a random woman.

“You could’ve given me some warning...”

I didn’t read the rest of the message but asked for some context as it looked suspicious. After avoiding me and trying to distract me with other topics eventually explained he’d been messaging this person for a while initially to set her up with his DB but she’s recently told him how attractive she finds him. Did some more digging and found so many holes in his story. Then he started gaslighting me comparing me to his ex who he’s always said was abusive.

No proof anything happened but walked out and said it’s over. Have I jumped the gun?

Wait. Why the hell would he ask you to clear his FB notifications? And more importantly, why would you do it, instead of telling him to do it his lazy self?

I was wondering the same. Do you think he wanted you to see the message, knowing that this would cause an argument, giving him the perfect opportunity to storm out and say 'its over' (without having that difficult conversation).

I don't know what to say here, except,that these days, These mobile phones,seem to cause so many problems between partners, with either,looking at them, checking on them or snooping on them.
And in the case of my son who is 40 plus, is always on the phone, and never has time for a conversation with me, !!

I think you’ll think you’ve jumped the gun. So you’ll apologise profusely, he will graciously accept and stand happily on the moral high ground doing whatever he wants, and you will be very hesitant to question him ever again. #psychic

You need to sit down and have a proper conversation about what the messages say, who she is, how you feel and what you expect in a relationship.

So what should she have given him warning about? And why can't he manage his own notifications?

You say you have no "proof" of anything but there's this :

*After avoiding me and trying to distract me with other topics eventually explained he’d been messaging this person for a while initially to set her up with his DB but she’s recently told him how attractive she finds him. Did some more digging and found so many holes in his story. Then he started gaslighting me comparing me to his ex who he’s always said was abusive"

Which is proof he's a twat?

No, you didn't jump the gun, OP. When you asked him for an explanation he fudged and tried to distract you, then told a blatent lie, then attacked your character . He's a big lying liar who is hiding something.

If it had been innocent then SURELY he would have just said "Fine. Read the rest of the messages and you'll see there's nothing going on".

But I bet he didn't say that, right?

You should have just read it.

Another here wanting to know why you were asked to clear his notifications

I'm surprised that he handed you his phone specifically asking you to look in messenger if there's something dodgy in there.

Either way, the way he's handled it since has been really nasty, indicative of him being a bellend.. so no I'd say you didn't jump the gun!

Triangulation. A clumsy one too.

And to add. He's a tit.

So you're saying that he couldn't tap the notifications button, so asked you to?🤔🙄

Obviously clearing a number at the top of fb is a 'must do task'. My concern is if he missed Sandra's check in at Aldi and didn't like it

A totally deliberate move on his part. And equally unsubtle. I'd be leaving him for that alone.

I'm still in shock that he can't clear his own notifications.
And NO - you didn't jump the gun.
Kept him gone.
He's an asshole and you now know it.

If my DP asked me to clear his Facebook notifications I’d look at him like he was mad and ask why. What an odd thing to do unless he wanted you to see something

He clearly meant you to see.