I wonder if dh with ptsd drinks too much

[ConfusedWife1234]

And if there is a way to know.
DH has mental health problems (ptsd). He always liked a drink when he was with his buddies but most of his buddies drank more. He does not see them that much now. Problem: now sometimes he drinks alone. I started to drink with him because I did not want him to drink alone but then realized I hated it an stopped.
I think he is sort of addicted to junk food but currently trying to eat healthy. He cannot stand Christmas or New Year’s Eve very much (because of his ptsd). Today he woke from a nightmare (we live in Germany it is one hour later here) and he had a big bottle of wine. That came after yesterday we had children’s punch (without alcohol) and he told me he was not going to drink this weekend because he hated it. So I woke to find he had drunken a bottle of wine and he had fallen asleep on the sofa, I woke him and put him to bed. He never gets mean or angry when he drinks. He gets happy and chatty or sleepy. Sometimes (rarely) it happened that he drank so much he threw up but that was always when he had been drinking with his buddies.
One time he fell asleep on the floor of the loo.

He never drinks during day time unless it is an occasion when he is very nervous (like when he has to speak in front of a gazillion of people and is not feeling well anyway) but even in this case on most occasions he did not drink. Maybe only twice a year.

His brothers and his buddies made him drink “for therapeutic reasons“ so to speak - for when there was a firework, which he did not like because of his ptsd.

He does not drink everyday. Mostly he does not drink on a weekday... but nearly every weekend btw and often drinks a lot on a weekend. He drinks when he had a bad dream or when he is stressed and wants to forget about things. Sorry that was the most important info and I realized I did not have it in the post.

It's not very clear how much he actually does drink, when he does and how much it is affecting his life and your relationship. The fact you are posting at all makes me think it probably is problematic, but most people's experience is that it is hard or impossible for you to have any influence, it has to come from him. All you can do is decide what to do with the relationship.

He is self medicating for mental health issues by using alcohol, which is a depressant. Ultimately it can only lead to more a xiety, fuelling the need for more self medicating, leading to more anxiety... You get the picture.

It sounds like he wants to stop drinking. Can you sit down with him when the kids aren't around and ask him what you can do to support him in cutting alcohol out.

PTSD is a bitch. I hope he is getting help from his doctor for that?

He might not drink ‘too much’ for him, or even for his health. But do you think he drinks too much for you?

What specifically are you worried about? His behaviour? His physical health? Addiction?

Thanks!
@pog100 He drinks maybe two bottles of wine per week. I am not sure if it is really affecting his life or our relationship. Let me think about it: I do not think it affects our relationship. I think it mostly does not affect his life. As I said one time he fell asleep on the floor of the lavatory. I would have been very ashamed if it was me. A few time he was very drunk at a Christmas party. Like I said he hates Christmas.... and he did something very embarrassing which a guy filmed on his cell phone because it looked funny.
@NotTheFordType He is doing CBT. He tried medication but decided it was not for him.
@TheStoic I am worried because he is drinking alone. He has bad nightmares and then he wakes up stressed and trembling. If I wake up too I cuddle him tell him it was only a dream. Of course he knows that but it helps if someone tells him... but if I am asleep he does not want to wake me up and he drinks. This is so sad. I found him there like all alone and drinking and looking very scared and lost. He told me everything was alright, he was fine, but I could see he wasn‘t.
I hate that he drinks to selfmedicate when he has a nightmare or wants to forget about a stressor or is feeling unhappy and I hate the fact he is drinking alone.

Two bottles of wine per week is not ‘a lot’. Obviously that’s relative. And many people drink ‘alone’, ie not socially. It’s always to self-medicate, whether people acknowledge that or not.

I don’t want to tell you that your fears are unfounded. But based purely on quantity, I do not think he has a problem.

Thanks for your input. Maybe I am stressing myself to much. It is just because really he has been drinking alone which is always one of the saddest things and I woke him and he sat there like looking totally scared and a bit like a lost puppy who needs to be safed and then started drinking the rest... like without talking and told me everything was okay but I could see it wasn’t. I put him into bed.

If he hated drinking but still feels compelled to then he has a problem. He should get medical help. CBT is not giving him enough at moment, hence the self medication. It may be the time to reconsider medication again. The indicators are there.

Medication can be adjusted and takes time to work. It is recommended medically for a reason. How long did he take it for and how many options did he try.

Perhaps it is time to insist he does everything possible to aid his recovery. You have a right to do this because as a partner and as a family you bear the consequences of his illness and any unwillingness to address it.

I do think so too. He tried several antidepressants but did not like them and they actually made our sex life less fun .
Actually he hated to be on antidepressants because he thinks just crazy people take them and he felt sort of stigmatized... I mean nearly nobody knew but he still felt like this.

He is self-medicating and that is never a healthy road to take - but the issue is his PTSD. I think he does need to reconsider medication. Also is his CBT trauma focused or just general CBT? He should be having the former. He might also want to consider getting referred for EMDR.

His CBT is for ptsd but I think it is more working on symptoms than working on the trauma. I think the therapist works with people most of whom have a different type of trauma. His ptsd is from the military and she is a civilian therapist and I think she does not understand enough about his trauma to focus on it. Does this answer the question? I am not sure if I got you right.

It does answer the question and he does need to get in touch with the military to be referred for specialist treatment. It is available and as a veteran they should facilitate this. He should push for EMDR - it's the gold standard therapy for PTSD.

Unfortunately, alcohol misuse and mental health disorders go hand in hand. In the UK we don't do binary treatment of substance misues and mental health, I believe and am happy to be corrected, the South West London Psychiatric trust and St. Bart's are the only NHS ones that will treat both. Here your expected to get dry before your MH is treated.

Both disorders fuel each other, drink to medicate the PTSD. The PTSD issues make you feel the need to drink. Also if you have a predisposition towards alcoholism then it's difficult to unravel. At best any treatment will only stabilise, reduce and manage. These are life long chronic conditions. It does sound to me that your DW us self aware of the conditions and perhaps with some therapy it will encourage him to reduce and manage. And what I mean by that, he goes dry and then works on containing the PTSD.