Physically hurt but not intentionally?

[unableto]

I don’t really know how to explain.

I was out, I had a few drinks and kisses which turned into a bit of groping, for want of a better word.

My take on what happened is this. He got very aroused and felt my boobs really, really hard. I didn’t notice how hard because I was also drunk.

Now I’m home and one breast in particular is hurting so much I’ve actually cried a bit. Underneath is red raw.

He didn’t really do anything wrong.

Or did he?

I don’t know.

Doesn't sound like he's done anything wrong
If it had really hurt then and there you would have remembered it
Maybe he was just passionate ( overly )
Get your breast checked out though in case it's something else

Plus your not too drunk if you've just written that coherently

It was a few hours ago.

If you didn't consent to the groping, he did something very wrong. If you did, he was a bit rough and you deserve an apology. Can't see that there's much more in it.

Is this with a partner or someone you know op?

It was just a date. Shouldn’t have drank so much. Thanks.

Well, I don't think he has done anything wrong in legal terms, if you consented and didn't object or show any discomfort at the time...but I wouldn't see him again, personally.

I think you're right that it would be better not to drink so much next time, especially on a date with someone you don't know very well. I'm not po-faced about drinking, but you need to keep yourself safe.

Hmm, can a guy unintentionally grope a woman so hard that it hurts? Maybe if he's never touched a woman before and is deaf and blind to her protesting.

The only time I've give a "rough" guy like this the benefit of the doubt, (because he was incredibly charming and I really fancied him), I ended up having extremely unpleasant, basically violent sex, which he seemed to think was perfectly normal.

I would beware OP, unless you like that sort of thing.

If it's red raw it doesn't sound like it's from just the pressure of his grip - in that case I'd expect bruising - but more like he's caught part of your bra (the underwire) in his grip and that's caused the raw place? Especially if its lacy.

(I've done this to myself several times when exercising in an unsuitable bra, before catching myself on)

I wouldn't be going in all guns blazing but I'd definitely message him along the lines of "I enjoyed our date but you got way too over-enthusiastic when we were kissing - you've really hurt my boobs! Gently does it x"

If he replies completely apologetic and mortified then I'd give him another chance. If he replies with a "Sorry not sorry" I'd bin him off.

He's hurt you.

That's really not OK.

Well I wouldn’t be going back for seconds, that’s for sure. What is he, 15?

Were you thinking you should do something/say something about it?

Ouch sounds bloody painful! If it was groping I would have thought it would have bruised more than have been red, has he rubbed your bra on your skin so it's chaffed the skin? That would be v sore.

No, I don’t wear bras. It’s not that. Thanks.

Hope you’re ok.

When you say “it turned into a bit of gropping”. Where you ok with that? Also, would it be useful to text him and tell him how sore your boob is and in future he should be more gentle with someone he is touching?

Obviously different women have very different levels of boob sensitivity. His previous partner might have been someone who loved to have their breasts seriously manhandled, while yours are more sensitive.

If you didn't give him any negative feedback at the time, and you were both drunk, then he probably was just over-keen rather than deliberately trying to hurt you.

Was he acting unethically? Not really.

Was he acting like a skilled or considerate lover? Not really.

Does it bode well for how he might behave in the future? Not really.

So while he wasn't "wrong" from an ethical point of view, because you gave consent and what would appear to be positive feedback given that it went on for a while, I'd have a very dim opinion of him and his physical skills after this.

It would be a red flag for me to have a second date. I would block and move on

I’ve no intention of seeing him again. I just felt a bit shaken last night. Thanks.

So, he was really rough and left you sore/bruised.

Unless you like that kind of thing, I wouldn't see him again. I wouldn't give him a second chance, he should ask you if you're into rough stuff not just do it. That's consent 101.

So while he wasn't "wrong" from an ethical point of view, because you gave consent and what would appear to be positive feedback

People have consent arse about face, you ask first or go slow and check in, you don't go ahead and cause pain and wait to see reactions. Jeez.