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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not bad enough to leave but not good enough to stay.

3 replies

Floopyandtired · 24/11/2018 22:12

I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. We’re not married but own a home and have a gorgeous 1 year old son together. My issue is that for the last 2 years we have simply cohabited almost as best friends as opposed to having much of a romantic relationship. We’ve only had sex a handful of times, once resulting in conception of our son. The last time we had sex was in August; I accidentally fell pregnant on this occasion and we decided to have an abortion for reasons I won’t go into. Leading up to the appointment I probably would have talked myself out of the abortion but he was insistent he didn’t want another baby so I went through with it. I am not over it but he is.

Fast forward to now and I just can’t get back those “couple-y” feelings. I truly love him but I don’t know if I’m in love with him. He is a great dad, does his bit around the house, makes me laugh, and is generally pleasant to live and raise a child with but there’s nothing more than that. I’m not sure I can live the rest of my life in a sexless relationship with no romance or affection. I’ve spoken to him about it several times and he says all the right things then nothing changes. I know he masturbates (sorry TMI) so I know the urges are there... sorry I’m just waffling now but I don’t know what to do.

I’m 28 and he is 29.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 24/11/2018 22:15

Sounds like you make good co-parents, but you don’t need to be in a relationship to do that.

Also sounds like if you brought up a separation conversation, he may be relieved.

Floopyandtired · 24/11/2018 22:19

Hi there, I have brought that up recently and he got very upset, absolutely insistent he wanted to make the relationship work. But nothing changes! The next morning everything is the same and it’s like we never even had the conversation. Very frustrating.

OP posts:
TheStoic · 24/11/2018 22:25

So he doesn’t really want to make it work, does he? You know that and he knows that.

Give him an ultimatum, if you want. Either this changes permanently, or we need to both move on.

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