Please HELP! 6 Year Relationship

[Northernlass101]

I need advice! So myself and OH have been together for coming up to 6 years. I was 19 when we got together. Everything was a whirl wind we travelled everywhere together rewind 3 years a proposal came along and then we bought our first home together. Past forward to now and I’m wanting to seperate. Its very difficult to explain. There is no intimacy no sex we simply cohabit. I fuel arguments because I’m so unhappy and he doesn’t seem to think there is issues. He verbally abuses me whenever we argue and uses terrible words and doesn’t seem to care of the impact. He acts like its okay. I have told him numerous times that he does not respect me because if he did he wouldn’t say such mean things. He gets very angry tells me to F off tells me I’m a pyscho/stupid/liar/child/useless.
He says I’m the route problem and that I always blame him and never take accountability. He said If I leave him I will get cheated on genuinely the list goes on. He gets very mad if I make a mistake or say something incorrectly. He says I don’t pay attention. If I do something incorrect he is the first person to moan about it.

If we have sex its his way every time. I have been vocal about how its 50% each person but he doesn’t care and says he cba.

I’m expected to snap out of being sad immediately after there is an argument because I don’t I’m blamed for being horrible and trying to continue out the arguement.

So a couple of months ago I called off the wedding we were planning because I KNEW in my heart I could not go on and that our relationship was so rocky how could I marry this person.

Last week e called me a f c* at a restaurant because I mentioned I wanted to go for drinks with my best friend who had been travelling for 6 months. I was taken a back and he did apologise the next day saying that his ex gf used to do these things and he promised he wouldn’t let himself get mugged off again?

I accidentally put a perfume swab in his face when I thought he was behind me in a shop to smell and then he grabbed the swab and stuck into my mouth to show me.( genuinely writing this sentence is mortifying) Things like this have happened and he genuinely defends his actions and says I deserve it. I know deep down that this isn’t right.

Writing this is therapeutic.

I’m exhausted. I’m 24 with very good career prospects but the thought of breaking up our JOINT house/life/families is very scary. HELP!

If you are set up career wise, and have a decent income, etc, then before doing anything else I would spend some of that money on getting legal advice ASAP with regards to the house. Do you have any other joint assets (savings etc)? Get advice on the practical stuff and then you may feel more confident leaving. Do you feel safe with him, in the shirt to medium term? If he has previous for being abusive then do watch out for any escalation if he realises what you are thinking about.

Do you have any friends or family you could stay with in an emergency or as a temporary thing, when the time comes that you're both trying to sell the house?

Oh my lovely, if you think of how scary living the rest of your life (or indeed another year) like this is, then breaking up will seem much less scary. Feel the fear and do it anyway.

You are young still - but that doesn't mean you should waste time being in an unhappy relationship.

Thank you so much for your both swift replies I think you're right. I'm going to seek legal advice on our property. Thankfully this is the only thing which financially holds us together. We both have good jobs. This is our dream house and I feel as though he would battle to keep it. I mentioned leaving in a recent arguement and he told me to leave even though we both own the house! He is the type of person to go onto the defence. He has tried to knock me down for years and says I'm so un independent I would last without him. I do have relatives I could stay with. Realistically I know if I'm the one to break it off then I HAVE to be the one to leave even though I will remain to pay 50% of the mortgage and bills! Its so complicated :(.

You're right I keep thinking about the rest of my life its crazy how things can change I have put in £1000's into this property this year :(

I need to stay strong :(

Forgot to add he is 31.

Get legal advice then leave. It's that simple. You may lose some money but probably not as much as you fear and it will be worth it. Honestly, he is NOT someone you want to spend any time with at all, let alone a lifetime. Good luck

he grabbed the swab and stuck into my mouth to show me.( genuinely writing this sentence is mortifying

All the other horrible shit aside, he's physically abusive. Get the hell away from him, whatever it takes.

Has he not also out any money into the house? If so then if the house is sold, the work you have done on may well be reflected in its selling price, so you can recoup some money that way if he agrees to sell.

Ultimately even if you are forced to sell the house or lose money on it in some way....that is preferable to the next 50+ years with him!! I would personally want the cleanest break possible. You dont have one good option and one bad one. You have two not so attractive options. But one is clearly worse.

You have financial independence so you're in the best position you could be, in the wider context of the relationship and break down.

Take one step at a time. Find out where you stand legally first.

Hi chick. I'm going through this now with my boyfriend well now ex of 8 years. I'm 26, met him when we were 18. He was exactly as you describe your boyfriend to be.

We are still living together due to financial reasons despite having broke up 3 months ago. The best advice I can give is do not fall for the begging and the promises to change. Once you've made your mind up you have to stick to it for your sake! Sending you lots of love xx