Advice needed trial separation but I'm leaving the family home

[takingflight2018]

Has anyone been in this situation before, any advice would be really helpful, basically we need some space our marriage is really pretty awful right now, maybe could be fixed, we just have complete communication breakdown, I can't think straight. We have two DS and my solution is for me to get a small rental (2 bed) close to our existing house.

I guess my question is does this put me at a disadvantage if we do decide to divorce in the future? We are setting 6 months apart, with some date nights and just working out when the DS are with us.

The reason for me leaving is that my DH works from home, he's here for the pick up, mornings and all of our pets, I work the bigger job and can sometimes be out of the house for 12-15 hours at a time. so although it would make sense to stay I feel for everyone it's easier and better if I leave??

I think I'm just asking if anyone else has done this?

I did this - coming up 12 months ago now, I was so unhappy in my marriage, and I knew the only way out was for me to leave. The house was starting to make unhappy memories, so I moved out. I now rent 15 mins away, 2 teen DC split time roughly 50/50 between us.

I’m fortunate to be the bigger salary earner, so it’s been belt tightening (as I’m still paying half the mortgage as well as rent) - but the relief has been immeasurable.

H didn’t take it well at all, and was hopeful time apart would fix us. I knew it wouldn’t. But it now turns out suddenly he’s realised I’m not coming back - and he’s met someone and dating and it’s ‘serious’!

Divorce was a word he didn’t want to use, but now we’ve agreed to start sorting out finances after Xmas. Not sure if I’ve compromsied my position my leaving, but I just couldn’t stay, and it’s been a much happier time.

That sounds exactly like the situation I will be in if I go forward with this.

Can I ask are you happier and did the DC react ok?? I know I can't predict what the future holds.

But I don't feel this house is mine, but the DC love it my DH loves it and I just want my own space, and moving out seems the only solution I can picture.

I will assume my DH will move on, he needs to find someone who actually wants him.

Sound exactly the same as me

DS17 is outwardly fine - he’s always had a laid back ‘whatever’ attitude. DD14 has been very emotional at times, but I let her choose stuff for her ‘other’ bedroom here and involved her in stuff. She took the split badly at first, H decided this week to tell them about his new relationship and she apparently got upset. I asked him not to at this early stage but his view was it’s a small village and he didn’t want them finding out from someone else.

The other house is the only one DCs have known until I moved out, so I haven’t pushed for a sale and he can’t afford at present to buy me out.

I can’t even describe how much happier I am. If you read my thread from 12 months ago you’ll understand why. I don’t have as much money, but I can breathe and time with DC is so much better quality even though it’s every other weekend and only 2-3 nights. Sometimes though I am away with work and / or late Home, so it is ok.

Would I change anything? Absolutely not.

I actually danced around the room when he told me last week he had met someones. It was weird, but he’s been so much nicer the last few weeks, and now I know why!

I'm so glad it's all working out for you, gives me hope!!

He's away for business next week, and I always feel free when he's away, and then heavy and sad when he's back, so I'm not sure it's the actual physical house, it's just the space when he's in it.

So I think I'm going to view a rental I've found while he's away, see how I feel actually viewing. Then take small steps.

I've got enough put away for 6 months rent, bills and some furniture.. and likewise I'd pay half the mortgage as well, so it will be so tight.

I'm just wondering if I sit tight until the new year just do the DC enjoy Christmas..

We told the DC just over one year ago, my rental started mid Dec but I didn’t move in until between Xmas and NY so we had Xmas all together there

This year he’s coming here for Xmas, just the day itself!

I love that this is my own personal space, with my own things, and it’s made such a difference to me and my mental health.

I used to stay away with work just so I didn’t have to be there. Now, I’m away as little as possible. Even if I’m on my own, I can put my PJs on at 7pm if I want to, feet on the sofa, and watch crap TV! And if I want an early night, I’ll have one.