Falling out of love......???

[dramabeanqueen]

When you’re with each other 7 years, do love each other, have had your ups and downs and have two young children and are constantly stressed and exhausted how do you know if it’s just that OR if you’ve actually fallen out of love with them???

I have had a rough year with physical health and I do feel quite low. My partner has told me he feels insecure, unloved and under valued due to my not showing him any affection or wanting sex. The truth is I feel constantly stressed and exhausted and yes I don’t want sex. It’s nothing to do with him at all. I just don’t want it right now. I feel quite low and like I want to be left alone. I feel like if he said to me he couldn’t stay with me any longer that I would just accept it even though I’d be heartbroken for our children.

Have I fallen out of love with him? Or is just the stress and strain of being a parent of young kids. I am finding it hard to tell the difference?

You're asking the wrong question. Being in love is not enough in itself to sustain a long-term relationship. The questions to ask are are you happy? Are you happier than you would be single or with somebody different? If you're not happy, do you believe anything can be changed in your relationship to change that?

As an aside, I notice on a lot of relationship threads, unhappy posters often talk about how their relationship has had its ups and downs as though that's normal and OK. I suspect it isn't OK and they're trying to polish a turd. Are you?

It's difficult. I sometimes feel like my husband doesn't show me the affection I would like but tbf to him he works really hard to provide a good life for me & the kids and is kind, generous even if a little grumpy! I have sometimes questioned if he loves me and I think this is normal after 20 years together. The day to day does get in the way no matter what anybody says.
When we go through patches like this I always talk to him & ask myself if I want to be without him. I could cope without him but although we aren't perfect I want to be with him and want us to have the family we have so we just have to work at it a bit more sometimes. I just think our version of love has changed over the years. It's not heart fluttering romance but it's mutual respect, kindness and fortunately (although not as frequent as maybe it should be) a decent sex life.
I hope you can work through it in whatever is the best way for you. Good luck.