How do I leave?

[Todayillbebetter]

My marriage of 15 years has run its course. We have grown apart, barely talk and no how many attempts for me to restore our marriage, it makes no difference. I'm heartbroken. But he is currently watching live streamers on his pc having refused to discuss it with me because I'm wrong.. I'm annoying him and negative. End of.

So we own a house (2 children) but have quite a lot of debt. The equity from the house would clear most of the debt bar a couple of thousand.

But how would I get a deposit on another rental property? Shall I save secretly to get it together??

I have been unhappy for many years but kept trying but this last couple of years I'm self harming and getting really fat. I'm mentally overwhelmed at his total refusal to engage with me so I know it's over. I just don't know how to keep my children safe, in a secure home when I have no money.
I do not have a single family member left so me and my children are on our own.

I have a reasonably good job and everyone would be shocked as I've hidden this for a long time. But I'm ashamed that I have considered suicide as a way out but then I see my children and cannot do that to them.

Hello so sorry to hear of your situation. Please do not hurt yourself your children need you and you can get through this. Please call samaritans. I’m divorced and thought i’d never get over it and he happy again but im much happier now and think it was a blessing ! Please get help from friends. Why do u need to leave, wouldnt he? Great you have a job to support yourself. Please get some support.

Hi OP, sorry you're feeling so low. Have you seen your GP at all? Although ultimately it's almost certainly the situation which is making you depressed, they may be able to offer other temporary help.

I would definitely suggest starting saving for a deposit. I think taking any positive action to remedy the situation will help you feel less helpless and more positive.

I'm not sure that selling up would necessarily be the best way forward - you need to get some financial and legal advice before you do or agree anything.

It might help you feel more positive if you start making a plan, so first on that list would be to get an appointment with someone to discuss your options. Some solicitors do a free half-hour initial consultation, otherwise you could try Citizens Advice. It might be better for you and the dc to stay where you are, rather than move into private rental.

Look at how much of the debt is in your name, and all the options for dealing with that.

Sorry you're feeling so low - as per pp, do speak to the Samaritans and do go and see your GP for some support with this.

Thank you so much for all of your replies.
If I got crisis point I will contact Samaritans but I know I won't kill myself I just fantasise about it as an escape. I've tried to stop the bizarre self harming but it does feel good when I do it. I think I can beat that too.

It means a lot that you have taken the time to read my post. I was desperate and needed a response. Then I had some tutoring to do which I love and helped bring me out of it.

We would have to sell. Debt is joint debt and with it, I could not afford rent or mortgage. I doubt my husband would have much money left for child maintenance either. I will start saving and paying off. In a year's time I would have enough for a month's rent? And I'll have paid off a credit card with any luck.

For years I've thought I should just stay. Live as if I were single but without cheating. Box myself up and keep going. But every now and then I just want to run away. I just want more than anything to turn back the clock. A spilt second choice really can change whole lives.

Thank you everyone

I think if you start saving as PP’s have said you will feel in control of your life and have a plan. But CAB will be able to help as you’ll be entitled to benefits even though working. Good luck

Please see a solicitor as soon as you can. You really need to have the correct legal information about your specific situation. And as suggested, see what benefits you may be entitled to.

Yes, you'll probably have to sell if you want to clear the debt, but there may be other options and a solicitor will be able to give them to you. And it is your husband's responsibility to pay maintenance, even a small amount. Every penny helps.

Thank you for your common sense approaches. I will be saving and when the time is right I will get the free half hour. If I take all the facts and figures, I should have a plan. I've always felt trapped but I cannot imagine that there is no way out at all or I'll just give up.

There's always ways and means, OP.

Start a savings account today - you can do one online, and start adding to it. Whenever I check my account online, I always zip a couple of quid over to my savings, it gives me a sense of satisfaction even when it's small amounts.