Words of wisdom...please?....

[Restlessinthenorth]

Don't really know why I'm writing this thread. I've ended a 3 year relationship this week (we were to buy a house and get married next year). I just knew it wasn't right, though I desperately wanted it to be. Tried to convince myself, change things, hope things would be different etc, but it just wasn't happening. He didn't do anything particularly wrong, nor did I, it just wasn't right.

So I've ended it. I feel relieved but also really, really sad. He hasn't taken it well, and I feel gutted that it isn't to be.

So here I am, 40, single, back to bloody square one. It's shit and I feel sorry for myself, which I have no right to be, because it's bloody me that has ended it!

I don't know what I'm asking for, but any words of wisdom greatfully received

My story is slightly similar to yours...except when I ended it with ex I was 41 and pregnant with DS. It wasn't and would never work...

I'm now 10 years down the line...have my awesome son, a lovely home bought and paid for by myself, and in July I married my awesome husband who I met 3 years previously.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't think of having to start again as a negative thing

Thank you! That's made me shed even more tears! I feel so sad. I'm complete taken by surprise by the way I feel. I know it's right but I didn't expect to feel so bereft. I feel like my brain is trying to play tricks on me; all the good times are flying aroun my brain on repeat!

Take your time...feel sad, but be kind to yourself too. Write down your reasons for ending the relationship and go back to read them...you may well find that they outweigh the good times xx

You're mourning the loss of a dream OP. But it was just that...a dream. You woke up to the reality and your head said 'End it', which you very sensibly did, but your heart says 'What about the DREAM?'
Endings are hard. Your head understands that. Your heart doesn't and plays a tape on a loop about all the good times, never the bad.
Time will sort it all out. Give yourself credit for doing the right thing and ending the relationship. And give yourself permission to mourn the loss of that relationship for that is what this terrible feeling really is.

You are both right, and have set me off again! It would be so much easier if he had done something terrible so I could be mad and hate him.

40 and on my own though. I can do it, I will do it. I just wish I didn't have to