Would you break this off?

[codeginger]

I've been seeing a guy at work for about a month. He instigated it and I asked him not to tell anyone, however he has done and now most of the office suspects. It's been going well between us but I don't think it's anything long term as there is a big age difference (him 8 years younger).

Here is the problem. The chairman has a reputation for being a bit of a cougar and since divorcing she is working her way around the male staff. There aren't many! I can quite imagine that this guy would get with her just for the kudos and status and I can see it happening with a few Christmas events coming up. She does know that we are dating.

So my question is should I cut my losses and end it now? I don't want to be the subject of office gossip. Or should I just forget it? If anything did happen it's unlikely I would find out as she would swear him to secrecy.

I'm not really looking for anything serious at the moment either but that doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt and be awkward for me, IYSWIM.

Yes.

This is all in your head at the moment though, why end it because of something you think might possibly happen? Are you just worried in general about getting involved and looking for a reason to end things? You don't need a reason, just do it for yourself if that's what you want.

If you all know she's making her way round the male staff and he's told people about you guys I'd say it seems unlikely it would remain a secret.

If you guys have a relaxed enough dating principle between you that you're ok with each other having other partners then there's no reason to, but if you think he would go there if it was offered and that would upset you then I'd break it off I think.

Yes. Not because of the chairman but because you work together and you already know there’s nothing special between you and it won’t lead to a long-term relationship.

It’s just messy and really not worth it, if the person isn’t long-term material.

Well if you’ve got the opinion that he’d sleep with the chairman I’d say you don’t really hold him in high regard, so you might as well leave now.

So it's only his age that makes you doubt your future? I don't see what the cougar has to do with it and you don't think much of the guy you're seeing if you think he'll sleep with her for the kudos.

This is a bit of a tenuous reason. It sounds as though maybe you’re slightly regretting getting involved in the first place perhaps ?
Anyway, if you’re not into it then you’re not into it. That’s all the reason you need to end it.

I've seen her on nights out and it is embarrassing to watch - she sets a guy in her sights and clings on all night.

I can handle it if I don't see it but if it happens in full view I think I would be upset, yes.

Of course don't end it if you're enjoying seeing him and being together! 8 year age gap is absolutely nothing and has nothing to do with the lifespan of your relationship. If two people have chemistry, connect and care about each other then that's what it's all about. I would have a lovely weekend with your man, plan some December dates and go completely public with your blossoming relationship.

Op I'd be pretty insulted and pissed off if the guy I was seeing thought I would sleep with my boss if he made a play for me. What is it about him that makes you think that and why are you with someone you think so little of?

Your insecurities are making you nervous. If it's nothing serious, its not worth worrying about - enjoy it while it lasts. If you're worried about the 'higher status' female nabbing him at the christmas do, then you obviously have feelings developing for him, be honest with him and tell him, he might feel the same!

Given you have such a low opinion of him then yes I think it’s only fair on him that you should end it.