How to make temporary long distance easier?

[BramRang]

Dp and I had been LD for a few months now (together 3 years before that, living together, engaged). He moved for work: temporary pay increase and better position for promotion after, etc. His job involves a fair bit of travel but he's mainly based in a city 4 hours away. I intended to move with him but found out I was pregnant just after he left (I needed to find a job first) so didn't go, plus family and friends are all here. I moved back in with my parents. We see each other every 2 weeks for a few days usually, but sometimes it can be 3/4/5 weeks between visits.

It's much harder than we thought it would be.

I know it's only temporary and he isn't that far away, but we aren't big texters and are both feeling really disconnected. It's still great whenever we're together, and I honestly feel like I've never loved him more - but when we're apart it's just so difficult.

Anyone done temporary long distance and found anything that helped/made things easier? Any tips or advice?

My DP works away - I won't pretend it's anything near as difficult as yours as the longest between seeing each other is 2 weeks BUT we did find it very difficult at first.

You have to find what works for you but we agreed on a FaceTime each evening - even if just for 20 minutes. We just talk about our days and we make future plans which helps to reassure me we will get through the difficulty of being apart.

It's not easy but with a effort from both sides is can work xx

When he isn’t traveling, he needs to make you a priority, even if it’s having a work from home day that he can do from your house so you get a night or two together. You need to make every weekend you can about each other, fly out to see him if he’s traveling, make more effort with connecting when you can’t see each other. Plan “date nights” from afar.

My dh were long distance for 2 years (due to professional commitments we made before we met and immigration issues, we met working abroad and pretty much had to get married if we wanted to live together in the same country). We were an 11 hour flight from each other for most of the time we were dating. We pretty much used every spare moment and penny to visit each other as much as possible, usually every 2 months. We also planned nights where we’d stay in and cook and relax or watch a film but in our own respective homes obviously Andy just have time to talk and catch up (via text, this was before there was FaceTime etc and calling was expensive). It was actually really wonderful. We really had time to talk about our values and life goals and to plan what life would look like together. I think our marriage has been as solid as it is because it was so well planned and we had so much time to talk through all the little things that we might have one day had a disagreement about so early on.

And also just focus on when it will get easier. We pretty much counted down for 2 years to the day we knew we could be together again. Planning for the future was a good distraction. When is he planning to come back? I think you definitely need to get settled together well before the baby is born to give yourselves time to adjust and enjoy it being just the two of you.

I'm seeing a guy who lives a few hours away and we both have family and work commitments so see each other about once a week/ever two weeks. However we message a lot and spend a few hours a day on the phone (usually from 9pm). We really miss each other but it makes our time together more special.

Thanks for your replies.

I like the idea of planning evenings to each stay in to talk to each other in our respective houses.

We have plenty to talk about and plan (baby, wedding, house plans are all in motion) but I think what we're really lacking is quality time physically together. I think we're just going to have to bite the bullet and not save quite so much and spend it on seeing each other. He's coming home when baby will be about 4 months old, so we won't have any time just the two of us.

Anyone ever sent care packages or did it feel a bit forced?

My boyfriend and I "distance watch" films and tv shows. We pick what we're watching, press play at the same time and discuss via text throughout. It's only a small thing but it feels more like we're watching it together. There's nothing funnier than texting him saying something like "oh my god, can't believe that character has just done that!" Or whatever, to find he's text me basically the same thing at the same time. It's a way of bonding without having to be right next to each other. We also make time for a phone call every night and throughout the day we try and find a cool fact or story somewhere to chat about. Tonight, thanks to him, I learned than 30% of the population of India are vegetarian. Completely useless fact, but these sorts of things break away from the norm of "hows work?" and "I miss you" etc. Keeps the conversation new each time, something to look forward to during the day and I love hearing the words "Guess what I found out today.." and hearing the excitement that he'd spent time finding some unusual fact to tell me. I know it's silly, but it feels like a simple way for us to make each other smile. When you're in a LDR, it's harder to do that. You don't hug/kiss/cuddle as much as you'd like, so the little things like them making you genuinely laugh or smile can mean a lot.

CallmePea - that sounds lovely. Definitely going to try "distance watching" films. Your relationship with your oh sounds lovely - love the useless facts .

Sometimes I think we'd find it easier if we were LD at the start of the relationship during the getting to know each other stage and had never lived together.

I've been in LD for a year. It is hard. What helped me is planning visits and really make sure they go amazing. Sending pictures, skype, virtual sex of a y sort, making sure you talk daily so you both are on track with what is happening in each other's life. It is temporary which is very important. In the meantime, enjoy some time on your own, I started going to gym, yoga, etc much more, had more time for friends. Good luck!

We have had various stints of being long distance - including when we got married!!

At the moment he is working on the other side of the world and I am pregnant with our first child. We found out literally before he was due to go which was not ideal timing. It does mean he has missed out on pregnancy related things but such is life. He is coming back just before the baby is due (hope it doesn’t come early!!)

There is lots of good advice on here which you should try. We what’s app a lot which is great as we can share pictures rather than write that much. Due to time zones & work we can’t talk for a few days of the week but we always message ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ and try to think of interesting things to say in between rather than all logistics / baby stuff.

I live on my own so try to make sure I socialize even if it’s jusf the gym or a swim - takes my mind off him especially in the evenings when I can feel quite lonely.

Good luck, you can do it - and you have your wedding and future married life to look forward to