Friendship over? I’m tired of being ‘analysed’!

[JK1773]

Is it just me that has this? Very long standing friendship, since school. Now mid forties. Every time we meet up we seem to have a laugh but she always has to be the centre of attention and frankly embarrassing with strangers! Next day everything’s usually fine ‘didn’t we have a good night’ etc. Then about a week, two weeks later I get told that something I did/said offended her. It’s usually (well always) a crazy interpretation of a completey well intentioned remark. It occurs to me that she sits mulling over everything I say and do for days and days afterwards. By the time I get told about it it bears no resemblance to what was actually said. She’s always saying to me ‘I bet you think ....’ or ‘I know you think ...’ which is always negative and never true. I feel she’s analysing me all the time. It has exploded on occasions. It’s been a very intense friendship sometimes which I don’t like. I like my friendships to be relaxed and fun. I’ve just had enough. Am I being awful? She’s presently not speaking to me and I just feel relieved! In recent years Ive felt very used and unsupported from her. I don’t feel I want to resolve the latest incident atm

It sounds like this has gone on long enough.
She is not talking to you now so when she decides to grace you with her presence again just ignore or say..l have had enough. Don't go into too much explanations. She sounds like she has major issues but thats not your problem. Enjoy your other friends

Sounds like it's come to a head, and that you don't actually like each other that much - so just don't do whatever you would usually do to make things up and let it fizzle out.

Crikey, you've got to your mid forties and have tolerated this behaviour? If my friend had stopped speaking to me after treating me like this I'd call it a relief! She sounds very immature.

Do the bad times and pressure outweigh the good? If so, I think you need to end the friendship. Real true friendships will always have ups and downs (like any relationship) but if the bad outweighs the good, then time to make a step towards getting rid.
If you still want her in your life, you should sit her down and tell her how you feel. She may not be aware she's even doing it. Easier said than done though!

Hi JK

Can you give examples of embarrassing....I have pictures of her climbing up on tables and stripping off??

Do these "i know you think" statements have a common theme??

Maybe have an adult conversation with her? Tell her when she says this, you feel x,y or z? The point being you say how YOU feel and not just listen to her? If then you come to a stake mate, leave the friendship?

Stale

She sounds too much to be bothered with anymore. Do you really need this hassle from her in your life?

Hmmm

The mulling over situations and jumping to conclusions about what other people think are one part of generalized anxiety. I don’t know your friend, so I’m not trying to diagnose her. I’m just offering up an alternative to her saying things to be malicious 🤷‍♀️
It does sound like hard work though. Maybe next time asked her
“You seem to always worry about situations and jump to negative conclusions about what I am thinking. Are you ok?”
Good luck op 🌸

She’s presently not speaking to me and I just feel relieved! In recent years I've felt very used and unsupported from her.

That says it all really. Who needs that shit?! Block her so when she condesendingly decides to forgive you again, you're not there and have moved on.

Thank you for your advice. Closet she doesn’t dance on tables etc. It’s not that. It’s more that she gets very intense with strangers, talking right in their face, stroking their face etc and ignoring anyone she’s actually out with in favour of disappearing with strangers, sexual innuendos with everyone, very loud etc.
I can’t cope with her anymore. Her comments to me about what I think etc actually devastate me because she’s so wrong about me. She’s supposed to know me better than most but actually I don’t really know what she thinks of me at all.

Are you sure it's not drink or drugs? Because I link the sort of disinhibited behaviour you describe to people being out of it in some way.

That is her low self-esteem. I have had to end relationships with men who TELL me what I think and TELL me how I feel and then go on to give everything I do the most negative interpretation possible.

I would tell her straight, this scrutiny and analysis of what I said three weeks ago, the spotlight is always on me. I don't know why you do this but we should not work hard to maintain this friendship any longer.

Oh good god one of those...

I would also find that really embarrasing too; obvious OTT flirting.... Cringggggge.

She may be aware of her behaviour and maybe even slightly ashamed and thats being deflected onto you because she think you see her like she sees herself (If that makes any sense).

If you really don't want to lose the friendship you will have to avoid being in situations with her when shes likely to act that way (i.e drinking at night where there are lot of men).

If she's the type to level then try telling her how it makes you feel....If she's the type of person that will deny everything/kick off that isn't going to work though.

Good luck

Thanks. It’s always drink related, always. I was talking it over with another friend last night. I think it’s time to call it a day. It’s sad because I’m also friends with most of her family but I can keep in touch with them a bit more distantly.
I can’t talk to her about it, I know that. She’d be very dramatically apologetic I’m sure but then she’d dwell on it and there’d be yet another backlash. She doesn’t really ‘do’ grown up conversations.
It’s sad at this time of year especially. But I realised that almost every time I saw her I was being used for something or other, I couldn’t just have ‘conversation’ that meant anything as her focus is on being outrageous. I went through a tough time last year and she wouldn’t let me talk about it, just changed the subject or buggered off trying to ‘entertain’ strangers in the pub.
I feel terrible just calling it a day but I don’t think there’s a choice. Thank you all for your advice. It helps to chat