Hi everyone. I've recently joined Mumsnet from the advice of my counsellor. I'm hoping to find people who are or have been in my situation or anyone who can provide advice and support. I don't even know where to start with my story but I have one and I don't know when or what the ending will be. I have recently come out of a Mentally and Emotionally Abusive four year relationship. The man in question is the father to my beautiful one year old daughter.
I wont go too much into the story as it's a long one but I have endured years of gas lighting, control, blaming me for issues in his life nothing was his fault, chipping away at my self esteem, making me question my own sanity, him cheating and making me think it is all in my head, I'm apparently paranoid and anxious, he would make me feel guilty after arguments and I would blame myself, ignoring me for days on end after arguments to hurt me further, split up with me get back with me. Once our daughter was born things only got worse, the cheating became more obvious, constant sex and dating websites, financial control, he wouldn't let me have money, isolating me from my friends and family, wanting to know my whereabouts all the time, manipulating behaviour, he would make me feel self conscious about my weight, I am a petite 5ft2 but he made me think I wasn't womanly enough, not a big enough bum or curvy enough (the women he would 'speak' to behind my back were all larger curvy size 16+ women). The relationship started to get violent, he grabbed me and dragged me across the room, threw my phone across the room and put a hole in the living room door. He treated me like his slave, I looked after our daughter myself, done all the house work, cooking, cleaning etc, if I was late home and tea wasn't ready he would lose it and ignore me for days.
Enough was enough, I didn't want my daughter growing up to one day think this was ok, that it is ok for men to treat women that way. Thankfully in June this year I was strong enough to say enough was enough and packed his bags and chucked them on his Mothers door step when he was staying at her house for the night, this took months of plucking up the courage. Since June he has made my life a living hell. I forgot to say but the house we lived in together is his Dads rented spare house, soooo I live in the house still renting off of his Dad and he lives with his Mum. This situation IS NOT ideal. His whole family are controlling me, either through our daughter or through the house, I feel trapped, I cant afford to move out as the rent here is so cheap, I have asked the council for help to find another home but they have said no because I have a roof over my head. I am put down about my parenting skills, my looks, financially he is now refusing to pay maintenance, I had builders come in the house and they took my spare key and now his family wont give it back to me. In the last 8 months my weight has plummeted to 6st12 I lost 3 stone in that space of time. My anxiety is through the roof, I am being told by him he is taking me to court and I will have my daughter taken away from me, under what circumstances I have no idea but my anxiety is irrational and I start to believe this could happen, I don't sleep very well, tossing and turning all night, scared about what crazy ass move he is going to make next to control and abuse me. Half the time I am questioning if it is all me and if I am the crazy one like he has made out to everyone I am. With all of this going on I work part time and try and give my daughter the best and most normal upbringing, I dote on her and do not want her affected by this man. We have such a great bond, she is a happy smiley little girl. Some days my mental health is better than others, it isn't all doom and gloom, I'm quite a strong person at keeping my stuff together, from the outside you'd have no idea I was feeling so lost and alone but on the inside I feel like I am screaming and throwing myself about and I am trapped. Please someone tell me there is an ending to this, I can not handle this man for another 17 years.
With the help of my counsellor we are working on undoing all of the conditioning I have had over the past 4 years, helping me to not let him control, manipulate, mentally or emotionally abuse me any longer, she is helping me to find the person I once was before I met him. I am on the waiting list for the Freedom Programme which I should hopefully be attending within the next 2 months. I just really need people to talk to who have been or are in my situation, someone to tell me I am not crazy lol. I need to know people have come through this type of abuse and that things do get better and do get easier.
Thank you so much to reading xx