Hand hold please - abusive ex still controlling

[colettetatou]

I escaped the relationship about 2 years ago but since then ex has continued to email me and call me. We tried to be amicable at first but his emails and phone calls ended up being abusive so I have blocked him on my phone but I can see that he has called as it goes straight to voicemail. He rarely leaves a message. Just knowing that he is still trying to contact me is making me stressed. His emails are filtered to a hidden folder. I guess I could filter them to the trash. I think I feel frightened to do this. But there's nothing to stop him emailing me from a different account or calling me from a different number.The last email I sent him I asked him not to contact me directly but if he needed to go via a solicitor. But he ignores this. And sent a letter to my work address. I do not respond to his emails or calls.

But the worst thing is he has recently moved about ten minutes walk away from my house. He doesn't know my address but knows roughly where I live. Every time I go out of the house now I am on high alert. I can't go shopping for fear of bumping in to him. I can't afford to move again. For the first time in years I feel like I have a safe home. He has been told it's not helpful for me or our DC for him to live in the same place. The DC don't see him.

I feel like I'll never be rid of him.

When I was harassed by my ex I got the police involved. They were good.

Whilst in my home they sat there and watched me send him an email warning him not to approach me again via phone email or in person. I said in the email that I had been advised to do this by the police, which was true, and that if he contacted me again the police would be visiting him.

No problems after that and I hope it's the same for you OP

@Mistress it's so encouraging to hear that the police take these things seriously, we have come such a long way from the days when domestic abuse was just swept under the carpet

Thankyou Mistress and Wordthe

Just read the grey rock technique. That's really helpful. I'll post a link here for anyone else.

www.aconsciousrethink.com/6158/gray-rock-method-dealing-narcissist/

Thanks everyone. I feel stronger now. I was beginning to doubt myself and that I was being unreasonable not encouraging DC to see their father. I know that's him getting to me. I wish I found it easier to be horrible! I just thought things would better by now. I have moved on. I guess he hasn't.

There was a girl I was seeing who had an ex that was rather obsessive. He’d stalk her through every social media platform and he would email and message all her friends and family. Even went into very graphic detail about their former sex lives.

He even went to the trouble of creating a fake account and pretended to be her so he could friend me and talk to me. He was however dumb as a brick so I was more bemused than worried.

In the end we went to the police and showed them all the records. Messages. Emails. Etc. I have to say the police weren’t terribly helpful to start with suggesting my then partner should just close all her online accounts down. But I argued why should she, the victim, be forced to do that? In the end they arrested him and had a word with him. He was let off with a caution and forced to write an apology. Never heard from him again.

Lots of us find it hard to move on when a relationship ends but most of us don't stalk and harass our ex-partner's

This is about his need to control and dominate you, he would probably benefit from some sort of therapy looking at his issues etc, but it's not your job to heal him, you can't heal him you need to protect yourself from him

paladinservice.co.uk/

You can get good advice here. A new email and number would be s good start but please do save all the evidence.

He is committing a crime.

I suggested he did a course for perpetrators, but he said he'd changed, and didn't think it was appropriate as he's moved on! I think he is having some private therapy but that could be anything. Any NHS therapy he has had in the past he felt was unnecessary and he didn't think the therapists were suitable. So there's not really much hope of him truly accepting how he behaved.

Thank you for the paladin link. I'll have a good look.