When did you introduce your kids to your partner?

[Sunshineandflipflops]

Hi, following on a bit from another thread...I’m just interested to hear how long people waited to introduce their kid/s to a new partner?
I don’t personally think 8 months is really quick (if you have been in a positive, exclusive, respectful relationship for hat time and you see a future together) but others obviously think differently.
I’m not in this position myself as i’ve only been dating someone a few weeks but genuinely interested to hear experiences.

I did after a few weeks but only because he was someone I’ve known for over 29 years and there’s always been a certain spark between us since the moment we met each other but we both had other partners. We’re at the point now where we both wish we hadn’t wasted all those years as we’re 42 and 45 so not young and foolish. I’ll be brutally honest he did confess his feelings for me 14 years ago and ask me not to marry my husband one faithful New Year but I thought it was just the drink talking and brushed him off - he’s absolutely head over heels in love with me, always has been and treats me like an absolute queen.

the op on the other thread actually stated that her kids “adored” the ex partner that she had only known 8 months so obviously she must have introuduced him alot sooner.

After about 6 months but only as a friend. Was about 9 months before we held hands in front of DD who is 5. DD and DP only see each other every now and then so it's not a full on thing.

I don't have a partner at present but hopefully will at some point in the near future. I've been horrified recently at the warp speed people seem to go at...a couple I know split up earlier in the year, 3dc. Both are in new relationships of a few months and the dc were introduced after just a few weeks! My dc are 5 and 6 and I would imagine at least 6 months before new partner introduced unless it was someone my dc already knew. I wouldn't introduce unless I thought it was definitely serious and long term.

I have my dc 50/50 with my ex so would be easily achievable but can see it being trickier if someone had dc 24/7...

I’d wait at least 2 years. You just can’t know someone very well after only a year.
I don’t see the problem waiting, if you’re sure you’ll be together for years then what’s the harm in taking it slow?

Probably too soon by mn standards. I'm a widow with limited child care so I don't see how I could have much of a relationship if I didn't have my boyfriend to stay. DS is 2 so doesn't understand relationships and just sees him as my best friend.

it's really down to the individual family and what's best for them.

my exdp and i are good friends and the split was amicable. The kids have always loved the separation (2 xmas days etc)

my first relationship after that i waited 6 months and wish i'd done it earlier as i would have ended the relationship sooner as he got far too easily irritated (he was a disney dad who only ever had his dd once a week from birth). we had such different style of parenting it broke us up. Along with the face he was a CF

i introduces my current boyfriend after a month (spurred on by my kids offering to put me on love island) and ive loved the way he is with them.

A month or so - but it’s not a formal introduction. I find keeping things casual works best. Kids and new partner can suss each other out. It’s easier to end things if they don’t get on. Works for me anyway, happily blended for almost a decade.

Two years sounds crazy - do you lie by omission for that long? What if the kids and partner just cannot get along and you’ve invested all that time for nothing?

Interesting.
I was seeing someone a little while back and after a few weeks it was getting hard to hide from my kids the fact that I was spending time with someone when they were at their dad’s so I told them I had met someone who I enjoyed spending time with (they are 11 and 12) and they kept asking when they could meet him. I wouldn’t have let them for a while and glad I didn’t as things ended but I’m glad I told them as I was starting to feel very uncomfortable lying to them about what I was doing and who with when they asked.
I guess everyone and every relationship
Is different. I guess there’s no right amount of time for everyone, I think for me it would be if/when it felt right for everyone.

I introduced him as a friend after about six months. We then had the odd trip to the park together for a few months. He invited us all for a movie night and sleepover at his house a few months later.

In contrast, my ex proposed to his now wife on their 3rd date and he introduced her to the DC a week later when he moved in to her house!

Yeah, my ex husband introduced the kids to the woman he had an affair with (they didn’t know this) after 6 months. I felt it was too soon because of who she was but there actually wasn’t much I could do about it.

About 3 months. He was a keeper and we've been together 10.5 years now

Two years sounds crazy - do you lie by omission for that long? What if the kids and partner just cannot get along and you’ve invested all that time for nothing?

Better than fucking up your children by introducing them to a man who you don’t even know very well and who then leaves and another takes his place.

Also, since when do children need to know what a parent is up to all the time?

DH met DD on day 1 as we met at her dance school.

I don’t think they “need” to know but when my kids started asking what I had done while they were at their dad’s house and who I had done these things with, I didn’t want to lie to them. Meeting him wouldn’t have been on the radar for a good while though.

A year and a half but he was introduced as my 'friend' at first and we all hung out together for about 6 months before we said we were bf and gf

you won't necessarily "fuck your kids up" by introducing them. My kids have an amazing relationship with their father and I and don't see our partners as parental just as friends. my kids couldn't have cared less when i ended a 2 year relationship with my exp who met them after 6 months.

i ensure i get alone time with my kids and only see my bf on a few nights i have them

It’s a case of ‘it depends’ surely. Waiting two years sounds crazy in most cases. So does ‘a few weeks’. There is a duration in between that suits individual set ups from widows lone parents/messy vs amicable/ pre-schoolers vs. teens. Divorced vs. Not.

The notion of waiting ‘til you know it’s a long term thing’ sounds fine on paper, but introducing kids and/or blending families can throw up more problems. Complex ones. As pp mention. There can be no ‘guarantee’ of anything!

In my case my DP met mine after 4 months. Been together 3 years. Only just mixing all the dc. That’s been the right pace for us. Still ‘seeing how it goes’. It’s all you can do!

Oh by MN standards way too soon. I think it was about 4 months and we went on a day out together. We had a brilliant time and I could see how he reacted with her. No different to going with another friend in my view. It was just a day at a theme park. He didn’t stay at the house. We met him on the way.

I get the risk of having multiple partners trotting through your children’s lives and no way would I wish that. Interestingly I didn’t introduce other partners at all.

The one I did introduce has been an excellent father figure for DD in the absence of her real father and we’ve been together for 8 years

i really don't get the issue - my kids have met all my girl friends, colleagues etc. We are the family unit - the 3 of us and it will be a long long time before this changes, meeting someone i'm dating or in a relationship isn't going to mess with their heads, moving someone in too soon may do but meeting them? i just don't get the big deal

fwiw ive been in 2 relationships in 4 years of. ending things with their father.

Yep like 1moreRep my kids are only mildly interested in my romantic life really.

In fact the bench mark for them is ‘if my life remains unaffected and he conducts himself appropriately’ they aren’t much bothered. Luckily my youngest at least (13yo) thinks more of him than that. Eldest (15yo) appreciates he gets it right and gets on with him and is respectful.

It’s not a major disaster for them, meeting mums boyf. In fact it can be a good example of a relationship and that mum too has a life.

You’re obly going to fuck them up by introducing blokes if you let the kids get attached, which is a different thing entirely.

Probably going to get flamed here, but three months for me this time around. When you know you know and me and DP are in it for the long haul and it just made it so much easier for us to spend time together due to family and work commitments.
He's amazing with my DDs 6 & 19. However I've been single for 4 years before me and DO got together. If it had been sooner and the break up from my ex had still been raw I would have waited much longer.
Ex DP waited 4 weeks before introducing DC to OW. smh.

I wasn't interested in daring or seeing anyone until both DC were stable after the split which took time.
I spoke to them both about mum wanting a new relationship abd maybe to oneday get married before id even met DP and they both wanted to see me happy and to go for it.

*dating not daring lol