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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not respecting NC

6 replies

Bugsareinthebrook · 23/11/2018 14:57

My Dad is a narcissist. Everything is about him. I’ve never really had a close relationship with him and he never contacts me and when he does he just uses passive aggressive emotional blackmail
For context my mum died in January - when the doctor said that she only had a few hours to live - he sent me a text telling this. I live two hours drive away.....

He doesn’t call me, doesn’t remember my birthday (I am his only child ) and does not remember my sons birthday.
Yet he expects to be called every week as I am the children and it is my duty.
There is much, much more and this has contributed to the depression that i currently suffering from.
I have been signed off work and put on anti depressants.
I have tried very reduced contact over the last 6 months - talking to him just makes me feel like shit but then I feel immense guilt when I don’t talk to him. I also don’t want to spend Xmas with him- it will be miserable and my husband would probably divorce me if I asked Dad.
To try to aid my recovery I have sent him a text this morning saying

Hi dad. I'm
Sorry i am not going to ring for a while. I have been signed off work with depression and been given anti depressants and feel very unwell at the moment. I just need to shut the doors and just look after myself for a while. I am also sorry that I can't invite you for Christmas but we will come up the weekend before Xmas to see you .

Despite this he has tried to ring me twice this afternoon- he hasn’t rung me in more than 6 months.
This has triggered a huge anxiety attack and don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 23/11/2018 15:06

Block him

I know it sounds easy and hard to do, but your mental health is the MOST important thing here followed by your family.

Block until you are ready.

And DONT feel guilt.

Dirtybadger · 23/11/2018 15:13

I would reply once saying there is no need to call, I am now looking after myself but need space. Please do not call again. I will be in contact before Christmas.

Then ignore. If he contacts again- block. This gives him the benefit of the doubt if he later claims (and might actually be honest) That he was worried about you. Suicide etc.

Trinity66 · 23/11/2018 15:16

I mean tbf you messaged him telling him you were unwell and then expected him not to be concerned? If he never rings anyway why did you bother messaging him at all, he probably wouldn't have rang you then

Bugsareinthebrook · 23/11/2018 15:20

I text him because he sends texts after a few months with passive aggressive messages and then when I do ring he tells me off. I wanted him to know that there is a reason why I am not ringing. I have had other health problems and have told him I am ill but he hadn’t bothered to ring or contact me. I suppose I expected the same and at least I was being respectful to him to say why I wasn’t in contact and so he wasn’t waiting for an invite at Xmas. I may text him back - but he can wait for a while

OP posts:
Chocolatebourbons · 23/11/2018 15:22

Maybe he didn't get the text?

Bugsareinthebrook · 23/11/2018 15:32

He definitely got my text today. I hav etext him back as suggested and said I am ok and will be in touch before Xmas s

OP posts:
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