What should I do?

[Pandora29]

Hi
I've been seeing a guy for a year now. Everything was going well, going out for meals etc dates. He'd visit me and I'd visit him at his place. I have a daughter who is 14 years old, he doesn't have children, he said he didn't want to be her Dad. I wasn't looking for a Dad, brought my daughter up alone anyway.
He always told me he drank, but still manages to function and go to work. I realised he drinks nearly a bottle of vodka a day. Lately he doesn't visit me, always asks me to come to his, won't pay to fix his car. Seems to watch all the money he spends and I end up paying when we go out. Or helping him out near to when he gets paid as he's spent all his money. Tried to talk about seeking help but he says he likes the drink. If I talk about love or anything about feelings he says he doesn't want to and stops the conversation. I did try to break it off before but he did call me quite a lot and talked me round.

He's just using you. Looks likes his finances are going down the pan and he sees you as a useful source of funds! Get out now.

In a relationship with an alcoholic you will always come second to the booze. You can’t save him from himself and he’s not really in a position to have an equal and loving relationship. Cut your losses, wish him well and hope that he seeks help for his problem.

You can’t fix him and he will drag you down with him if you try.

Why do you even want associated with a man that drinks a bottle vodka a day, that's chronic alcoholism, think of your daughter!

He's also sponging off you now to pay for it cos he's done all his own money in, he sounds a complete waster.

Doesn’t want to be a stepdad
Doesn’t want to see you at yours
Won’t pay his way
Won’t talk about feelings
Is an alcoholic (and not really a functioning one any more with the debt and not maintaining his car...)
His life is going down the pan.
Don’t let him take you down, too.
Think of your lovely dd.
Show her what a strong woman does this situation.

The hills are this way, OP >>>>>>>>>>

Run!

Definitely what @LatentPhase said ⬆️

Sorry op but you deserve more .. move on

You know what you should do, there's literally no other answer than what everyone in this thread has said

Everyone has given me the advice that I know I should do. Time to get rid and face reality. Not the best thing for my daughter to be around anyway. Thanks all.

unless the sex is mind blowingly good - and frankly with a bottle of vodka a day in him I would have my doubts - RUN!

Have you talked to him about his alcoholism? A bottle of vodka a day is a hell of a lot of booze, I'm surprised he's able to function at all, let alone hold down a job.

Withdraw from the relationship now, and leave him to find his own way forward. I have a friend I have known for years, he's a lovely man, but drinks excessively, and alcohol comes before anything. Over the years, his personal hygiene has worsened, he no longer works, his friends are gradually falling away, and it's not a pleasant situation. He's had a few serious relationships but all have bitten the dust when his partners realised the true extent of his drinking.

The drink is his first love, he’s already been upfront that he doesn’t want it any other way.

I have spoken to him about his drinking. Some times he says he hates it and wants to sort it out, stop all together. Then other weeks he says he enjoys it. He works four days on and four off, this doesn't help him at all. Just means he can drink for a good four days! When we first met he tried to control it and we could go out and do things. Now it seems worse than ever. I thought I could help him.

You can’t help him as he’s already said he likes the drink.

You’re enabling that by allowing him to dictate to you that you should Filiberto’s his habit and do the travelling.

Tbh it’s better for user road user that he doesn’t get his car fixed. How long would he be over the limit for having downed a bottle of vodka?

You must be bloody desperate

I thought I could help him

No, I'm afraid not, there is nothing you can do. The only way an alcoholic will stop drinking is because they themselves have decided to stop. You can't persuade them, the desire to stop has to come from within them.

It is good you don't live with him so it's much easier to leave him to his vodka.

RUN AWAY!! Honestly, don't waste your energy with him. You aren't there to fix him or help him. Put your daughter first and move on.

*Filiberto’s ??? Wtf has autocorrect done

He is busy with his relationship with alcohol. Until he doesn't see at as a problem you are not on his list. Get rid of him

@Joysmum

OP - I've had a problem with alcohol in the past but a bottle a day is extreme. It is likely he will encounter some serious mental and physical problems drinking at that level. You could end up being his carer . How would that work for you/ your daughter. A year is not really that long....I'd get out now.

I’ve seen a drinker who functioned ok go downhill and now currently in a right state having lost everything through drink (even control of bodily functions..) I’d get out now while you can it will only get worse. Dont see whats so special about him?

This isn't your problem to fix

Whats in this for you (besides a depleted bank balance)??

Run for the hills ASAP