This is my life too. In my 40s and it still affects me. People can sense the vulnerability a mile off, many choose to exploit that, and so it affects everything. Friendships, work, partnerships, casual encounters, even down to who moves out of the way first when passing people in the street! It’s in the body language, I think, and the vibes we give off.
Over the years I have learned to be less tolerant of such exploitation of my weak points and triggers. Have said a harsh but fair goodbye to a couple of very long standing friendships, and backed away from some more recent ones. Those friendships that I really do value are, where necessary, being eased towards healthier boundaries. Newer ones are already built on those new, stronger, healthier foundations.
Think about the ‘false beliefs’ that you were trained into. And get them out of your brain, replace them with new, true ones. I choose to call out and challenge my family of origin every time they make a ridiculous assertion or judgement, it is simply intolerable to me. They will sadly never change, and so it is wearing, but it makes me feel better. And I see less of them as the years pass, as I fully appreciate now the emotional toll.
It saddens me too that I shall forever have to be on my guard, out in the world. It is indeed tiring. However, what is the alternative? I think, to some degree, we scapegoats are blessed. Because we can see what others often do not. I can spot a faker, bitch or taker a country mile away now, and act accordingly.
Stay strong. You got this.