I’m the only adult in the household

[Tralalalala1]

Bit of background...
DH married 10 years. DD 4. All good usually. But I am the functioning adult in the household. He pulls his weight with childcare. Doesn’t moan if I go out. However all household chores are mine. Event planning - mine too. Organising social life - oh yes c’est moi. Organising holidays - that’ll be me then... all insurances... yep, menu planning and shopping ... why of course. For background, I don’t mind this too much because i’m pretty efficient at getting stuff done.
So as not to drip feed, I work 75% hours in a six figure salary job. He works full time in a less well paid job (but still reasonably paid) but to be fair it is more stressful/demanding.

Tonight he came home to a cooked dinner. Poured himself a beer and we chatted a bit. Mainly about xmas. I’d had present ideas for his family etc which he looked relieved at. We talked about catering. The in -laws are coming to stay - not a problem they are lovely. I went through what I planned to cook as bird needs ordering. He announced he couldn’t talk about it tonight. I asked him again whether I should order bird and he stomped off upstairs leaving his beer.

I’m not being unreasonable here am I? Its Dec soon and I want to have a nice Christmas and not be buying stuff the day before etc. We’ve already missed out on tickets for something DD would have liked because I couldn’t pin him down on it.

No LTB s. please. 99% of the time he is awesome and my best friend. But he is absent minded (think driving to work with DDs school bag still in car - this kind of thing happens all the time) and I am unable to pin him down about stuff.

Any advice..?
Any the other burning question is
Is it acceptable for me to drink the beer he left behind....

What Luckybe wrote in its entirety - this is deliberate incompetance from him and its bloody nasty behaviour as well. This man has his life exactly the way he wants it. He has no real respect for you whatsoever.

How is this man really awesome and your best friend 99% of the time if he behaves like this?. How did you arrive at such a figure in the first place or did you simply pluck it out of thin air?. Is this really you putting a gloss and your denial on something that is intolerable and happening right in front of your very eyes?.

Is this really the role model of a relationship you want to be showing your child?. What do you want to teach her about relationships here? That you as the woman do everything whilst he sits back and lets you get on with it. What sort of partnership is that?.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.
Is this also how you see your life going forward because it will be if you decided to stay with him for your own reasons.

Why do you need his OK to order a Turkey? Also, I don't know who you put up with being treated like the hired help

How*

If you know you’re in charge of the lions share of household stuff why bother even asking him if you should order a turkey? Just order it

If you’re happy doing it most of the time, then when he strops simply make your own decision. If he doesn’t like it (wants beef instead of turkey) then you need to explain to him that he could have had beef if he’d had the common decency to talk to you like a grown up about him.

On the other hand I’d not be preparing him dinner each night, or sorting insurances etc etc, you need to start putting that on him. You’re actually enabling him to be a lazy arse