How to nicely say I'm not buying presents this year?

[LongDecember]

Hi, I'm thinking that I'm going to tell my friends that I'm buying family presents only this year and am wondering how to go about saying it.

I only have a small family (I don't have kids) and small friends group but I hate buying presents especially at this time of year because everything is just manic and I find it very stressful. I never know what to buy people. I always worry that I didn't get people nice enough presents or that I bought them the same thing last year or whatever. I'm also trying to reduce consumption and live more simply. And I'm getting married soon so need to save (it will be a simple ceremony, I can't afford anything fancy!)

Two of my friends also have December birthdays. A few years ago I did try stopping the present buying by saying I wanted to give a charity donation in their names instead and that went ok. But now a couple of them have got kids, so for the past few years I've been buying baby presents, and birthday presents for the children. I don't buy much, don't go overboard but I still feel stressed out. And we've all had milestone birthdays over the last year or two as well so presents were bought. But I want to put the brakes on it again. We don't need anything. I don't want anything from them either. I think a couple of them will be fine with it but I always worry I'll offend another friend who is very family orientated and loves the whole gift giving things.

I find the pace of life too fast and the whole commercialism of Christmas just makes me anxious and robs any joy out of it for me. How do I go about making Christmas more manageable for me and letting my friends know there will be no presents this year?

Share the Martin Lewis video? Apparently lot of people used the clip to introduce the idea to friends and family.

I think you’ve left it a bit late for this year, many people have already started their Christmas shopping! Could you say that this year is the last year you will be doing presents. I may do the same and instead do a charity donation instead. It’s all too expensive and losing its meaning anyway for me.

I would just explain that for the following reasons you're not getting involved in gift giving but would love to meet up to socialise and celebrate.
As long as you're not expecting others to buy you presents then that's totally fine.

We don't do friend presents. We exchange a card and do something socially after the festive period (when everyone can chill out from family time). It works well.

I didn’t know people bought Xmas presents for friends. Is that normal? Why not just meet up for a drink or a meal and spend the money in that instead? They might be thinking exactly the same as you, I don’t know anyone who really likes buying presents for anyone other than close family.

I completely agree with your stance and you obviously talk sense, but tbh I think you may have left it a bit late for this year - they may have bought your present already. That's the problem with Christmas starting in September (that commercialism you mentioned!) Much as I don't like saying it, I think you should perhaps buy for them as usual this year, and bow out of present exchanges earlier next year.

I haven't seen the Martin Lewis clip. Might have a look.
I told some family and friends that I was doing a mega simple Christmas and so I won't be giving or expecting presents. I did give a couple of book tokens. Thought I'd be seen as a right scrooge, but it was fine!
I did a few gifts - one is a joke. It's the same family bottle of whisky my brother and I have been exchanging for years. (I'd had it for about 3 years )

This was last year btw. Think I may have to get some stuff after all....

This year I'm buying for 4/5 adults and 2 children . All family bar one . Just tell them you are having to cut back so will be buying for immediate family only.

I also think you have left it too late as some people may have bought you presents already. A friend did this a few years ago - I got a card saying she was donating to a charity of her choice instead of buying a presents. She had received a gift from me that I had spent time and money buying and I got nothing in return. I was not happy at all. Why didn't she say she wanted me to donate instead of giving her a gift not the other way round! I was so cross I'm surprised our friendship survived.

Another idea- next year suggest secret Santa for friendship group? That way you can spend less overall but everyone gets a decent gift they actually want.

Send a text to your friends, "hi, X! Due to financial constraints I cannot afford to buy Xmas gifts for you/your family this year. This doesn't mean I don't love you or that you aren't important to me.
But please do not buy presents for me and my children because I would feel uncomfortable accepting gifts that I can't afford to return."

Or just say to people, "I can't afford Christmas this year, sod off!"

(One day I will be brave enough to take my own advice)

If they are true friends they will understand.dont worry,if my friends said that id be fine with it x

I don't have kids. But I think that one of my friends has started giving me a small gift each year because I was always getting her kids something for Xmas/bdays etc. But I didn't want anything in return.

Even my DB who has several kids and a house full of toys is over the whole gift buying thing (although tbh I think it's his wife who buys their gifts for everyone apart from her own lol). Last year he took our family out for dinner a few days after Christmas - that was his gift to us - and he's thinking of doing the same this year.

It's just too much. Work has been really busy and I just can't think of much beyond getting home, having dinner and going to sleep then waking to face the next day. I do buy things online, which can be less stressful but it still takes up a large part of time trying to find gifts.

I don't have friendship groups as such, although some of them know each other we don't all hang out in a big group, I see one individually and a couple together. I do have another friend (who I met online) and have been very good friends with for about 10 years now and although we sent the odd Christmas card initially we never got into the present giving thing, for which I'm hugely grateful.

The presents my friends have bought me in the past are usually pretty generic and could be given to anyone so I'm thinking that if any of them have already bought me something they could give it to someone else.

I'll have a loo for the Martin Lewis clip - thanks everyone!

I’m totally with you, I find it all too commercial now and heaps of pressure to give bigger and better presents.
It’s also nice I’ve come off Facebook so I won’t have to see all the fake shock ‘look how many presents I received’ posts 🙄😏

I buy for immediate family only now. As cousins we stopped ages ago as we were just swapping money and we now just go for a nice catch up dinner-much nicer!

I’d put a separate card in with your gift this year explaining that due to finances this will be the last year of presents, you’ve loved their gifts but it’s time it stops so you can save for your wedding and home ☺️

I’m with you.

It’s taken a number of years but we’ve managed to talk the family round. It started with a secret Santa amongst the adults, now we’ve decided to only buy for the children.

I can’t be arsed. I’ve got no children and it seems to be Christmas every other week now.

lol @ Christmas every other week. This is exactly it! Time flies and suddenly it's Christmas again. I saw it suggested somewhere else that Christmas every 2 years might be more bearable.

Well, I was seeing friends last night and one gave me a Christmas present. Of course I said thank you but inside my heart sank. I'm feeling quite stressed about it, which might seem strange but the pressure of having to buy presents makes me very anxious. I'm also annoyed at myself for not pressing home the "no more presents" beforehand. This particular friend - lovely as she is - has a habit of buying total tat for presents. I remember once she bought a necklace but it was huge and heavy and very cheap looking - like something BA Baracus would wear. Full of metal and plastic. And you can get cheap but nice looking jewellery! You don't have to spend loads. But the point is I don't want it anyway. Stuff just lies in my house and doesn't get used. It's so wasteful.

I remember putting a (small) rant on FB last year and afterwards my DB told me my SIL was very offended by it. I didn't say anything bad just that I was fed up with Christmas and the constant consuming. SIL wasn't happy because she's very family orientated and loves Christmas. You can still love Christmas and not buy tonnes of shit for everyone that they don't need! My niblings have so much plastic crap lying around and still they want more! They're not very thankful for the presents they get either, it's so depressing.

I agree with you. I think you're just going to have to bite the bullet and tell them somehow and stick with it. It's so much nicer not getting into all this. It's not about not buying presents/spending money on people as such it's the forced nature of it all, it adds pressure and takes away spontaneity. I, too, often can't think of what to buy as when you don't want/need anything yourself you look at presents when shopping and think why would anyone want that. Lots of people are different though, they love lots of things - shower gel/beauty sets, knickknacks etc. I can't even choose something simple as a scarf for someone as I wouldn't want anyone choosing one for me as I have definite ideas of what I like/don't like. I remember an aunt buying me presents over the years and in about 40 years I never liked one apart from one it was a bottle of wine. I ended feeling awful for not liking what she bought, guilty at her spending money, mean spirited and wasteful, and then annoyed at having to go to the charity shop with it. Annoyed too that if I was to get a present it was never anything I wanted so I missed out. This isn't what Xmas is supposed to be about.

You’re not wrong, but as pp have said if friends/family are anything like me they’ve probably done most of their shopping. I think you’re letting it overwhelm you a bit though/giving it too much head space. You could just grab a few bottles of wine for some people without finding it too stressful put in a book order for everyone else. Then, you’re done, no plastic tat, consumable and recyclable.

Could you buy a token gift like a bottle of wine or nice box of chocolates? Something that you could order a job jot and have delivered.

Take the present you've got, unwrap it, rewrap it in new paper, present it to the gift giver. After Xmas declare how amusing you both bought the same thing and, actually, now you think about it, exchanging gifts between adults is a bit silly really, next year let's just go for a drink instead.

A few years back a friend sent me a message that went something like 'ive really enjoyed choosing and exchanging gifts with you over the years, but'

I then cant remember what she said it was something about not being able to put a value of friendship and the time we shared being more important than a gift and could we set a date to meet for coffee and cake together and exchange a hug instead.

Anyway, I was so bloody relieved as I too hate the manic gift and these types of gifts are such a waste.

I’m like you. Also getting married soon and have been making more of an effort to live a more minimalist lifestyle. I really don’t like receiving presents and without sounding ungrateful - a lot of it ends up as clutter but I do still enjoy giving gifts. I’ve started buying small things all throughout the year - already in the January sales in some cases which is what I’m going to give people. Christmas is pretty stress-free as a result. I also have some bottles of alcohol that I was given throughout the year by clients etc that I’m going to re-gift to people.