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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AMBU?

3 replies

Mummytonoah1 · 22/11/2018 20:39

I am new mum, my little boy is 7 weeks old. My ex partner and i split near the begining of my pregnancy but he attended the scans and appointments. He was due to take on the childcare of our child so i work shifts around his work schedule.

I went into labour and he was with me and was staying with me on the sofa bed. At 2am he left me in labour at my house and then ghosted me, completely ignored my calls and messages. I had no family or closw friends nearby so my family had to travel from 5 hrs away and i nearly ended up giving birth alone.

The day i came out of hospital i saw he had changed his profile pic to him, his two children from another relationship and his wife (from whom he has been separated from for nearly 5 years and is divorcing). Apparently her finding out, i was having a baby prompted her to give him another chance.

Since then his attitude to me and my baby has completely flipped. Hes being unreasonable with money, made me do an dna test before he would pay anything and only saw our baby on the day of the dna test.

He now refuses to contribute to childcare for when i go back to work despite him earning more than double what i do. The childcare for our son is over £1000per month for me to work full time and his maintenance contribution is 400 pcm.

So now i face having to quit my job, go part time, release the equity from my flat or move to be able to make the situation work as he refuses to care physically for our child or contribute financially. Is it me or is this grossly unfair?

OP posts:
Notmymonkies · 22/11/2018 21:20

I feel your pain, unfortunately I'm in a similar situation regardingbchildcare and my ex. Legally he has no financial obligation outside of cms payments. However if he requires childcare on his access days it's then his responsibility to organise and pay for that.
My ex chose to not have our DD during the week to avoid this and chose EOW instead. Agree it's grossly unfair but there is nothing you can do about it.
3 family court hearings have stated the same.

However you may be able to claim some in work benefits that of set the childcare costs. Unfortunately for me in above the threshold to finacial help in this area.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 23/11/2018 02:16

Get a solicitor and take him to court.

category12 · 23/11/2018 06:27

It is unfair, but unless he's underpaying child support (how was it calculated?), that's the way it is.

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