Friends with benifits, Should I move on ?

[Fran94]

Hello,

I have been having a casual relationship for just over a year now with a close friend but we don’t really speak to each other a lot just for Hooking up really, and when we are in a group situation we don’t really talk just try to avoid each other really, as it’s a bit awkward. I really do like him and would like to be more than friends with benifits, but for one I don’t know how to raise the issue and also I get a feeling that i should move on as there is no communication and I feel like there no effort being made to try and make this work.

What do you guys suggest move on or raise the issue ?

Thanks

If you're really into him there's no harm in asking what he'd think about giving it a go, If I were you I'd probably tell him that you're at a point where you want a relationship or just to move on from the FWB thing. Nothing ventured nothing gained

If you would like a relationship, I would just say it outright. If you just call things off and walk away, you never know what could have been.

You’ve nothing to lose by talking to him about it.

What have you got to lose?

Ask him.

Thank you for your advice, think am just a little bit worried about putting myself out there to be potentially getting knocked back as I do like him am just not happy about how things are between us with the bay there communication and lack of

Trying to show emotions with being around each other, just feels awkward when others are around

Which can come off quite cold and distant to me, but he’s not like that when we are alone

Just talk to him, if it's already awkward anyway when you're out with the group it's not as if you'll be jeopardising a friendship is it?

OP: I was in a FWB situation for arounf 7 or 8 months with a guy. We only left the house once, the rest of the time was just the two of us and was secret to most people in my life (my reasons, I had only left a LTR before). We didn't speak to each other except for when we wanted to meet. It startred to get a little bit more, both of us (I know now it was also him, but I thought it was just me) neither of us wanted to be in a "relationship" as such, he freaked out and it ended. I liked him a lot, and the sex was amazing.

I had 6 months where I saw a few other people, had a lot of fun, then we started seeing each other again. For about 3 or 4 months it was very much just sex. Then something changed in him and me I think.

Basically he freaked out before because I had just left a 21 year relationship and he coulnd't work out why I didn't want to be out seeing as many guys as possible. I freaked out because he is lknown for being a bit of a commitment phobe and I didn't want to get hooked so I held back.

Fast forward 2 months of so, we are very close, he is very keen, we have a lovely thing. It is almost close to being public and me tell my ex. Hes been patient, kind and we still have a lot of fun. I am still holding back, as is he, but really we are just seieng where it goes. I know it probably has an expiry date, but while its good, it suits us both. Tell him, if he says its not reciprocated, then move on. Dont keep having sex with him, it will lead you to heart ache.

I think it might seem like you are both a bit distant emotionally because when you open up and get vulnerable, is when you start catching feelings.

That’s exactly how I feel I know I like him o think that’s why I don’t want to have the talk with him as I am scared the feelings won’t be reciprocated and it will end, but I want more from him as in time more loving towards me hugs and that in public but I also don’t want to raise this as I don’t want it to end between us

If you say nothing then you’re setting yourself up for heartache. You’ve already said you’re worried about scaring him away. That proves you are emotionally invested in him and want more. If you continue having sex with him whilst having feelings for him you will 100% end up heartbroken!

tell him how you feel and tell him it’s either all or nothing. If he chooses to walk away, better for it to happen now than in 9 months time when you’re in love with him.

I agree, when it ended the first time I was on tinder within 24 hours. Was a bit upset how it ended but I had a fab few months being a bit crazy. If it ended now I’d be more upset but I’d still put myself out there fast.

I’m not really looking to settle down or live with him or anything like that. Or anyone else for that matter. But oxytocin is a very powerful hormone.

Head held high and have the chat. If he doesn’t want it’s better to end it now. Like the pp said.

My Dp was previously my FWB.

I posted on mn after catching the feelings, because I thought it was best to walk away rather than tell him. Mners thankfully knocked some sense into me and by the next morning we were a couple. It's been a few months and we couldn't be happier, at this point.

However, the main differences were that we were always in contact (calls and texts), saw eachother everyday, spent time together not having sex, he used to put himself out to see me even if sex wasn't on the cards, he did things that showed me he cared and thought about me outside the bedroom.

I do think you should tell him. Because you will always wonder if you don't. But it's impossible to tell what he will say as you avoid eachother. If he is a close friend, why can't you be friends. It's not really FWB, because you don't act like friends.

If you actually acted like friends outside the bedroom you would have a better idea of what he wants.