Will she have to go?

[Penyu]

ExH of 5 months (up to now quite amicable, occasional coffees etc. No huge drama) has met a new woman who comes with 2 kids.
Ther are a few complicating issues which I can’t go into due to them possibly being outing. But at this stage my 9yo DD has vowed that she will never want to go to the new house with the new gf and her kids, whenever that is and even if it lasts that,long.
By that time she will be 10.5.
I don’t anticipate any safety/protection issues at all, just her not wanting to spend time in the new environment. She’s an only child. I think if she was made to, the relationship with her father might be truly damaged.
It’s not an issue yet but it might become one soon enough.

He appears blind to this and thinks that in time they will all be fine.

In my own personal experience as a child in the same circumstance, it never was. I have no relationship with my ‘Step’ families on either side as an adult, as a kid I hated them all. Both of my parents remarried quickly though, and handeled the new relationships really badly.

Legally could she be forced to go at 10.5 years?

Out of curiosity what would happen if you started seeing someone with kids? I don't know where the law stands on it but I would imagine as a child she would have to go if her father had an access agreement and he lived with the woman

I guess that’s a fair point t, although at this stage definitely not on my horizon at all.
She has lived with me since the split... stayed 6 nights so far this year with exH on holiday and that’s it.
As what happened to me (both parents remarrying quickly and managing the 7 children over the various family units really badly) I have no intention of looking for a relationship while she is still in a very vulnerable state or the foreseeable future. My exh has really put me off completely tbh! 😂
So. I am Here for her, she resides with.me (although at this stage that is all agreed amicably). If she is happy enough to spend days with her dad, assuming he can facilitate this, I wonder if legally she would have to stay overnight at the house?

Is that really the question to be asking. Shouldn’t you be addressing her aversion to this situation. It’s not going to help her with what should be a strong bond between her and her father. She really should spend quality time with him in his home. You should be looking forward to the free time.

I would take a step back and ask whether you are letting your experience and feelings influence her. I sort of feel you want to have her all to yourself, allowing her father to visit but making sure her home is with you. That may be an exaggeration and I apologise but there is a lot of you in the posts.

Totally get why this little girl does not want to go, it’s traumatic for her she’s a small child being told to go stay with a stranger and two kids!!

You’re quite rightly concerned OP my next move would be discussing with your ex a gentle and paced timescale for her to get to know them all first

I don't fully understand, why do you say she'll be 10.5 before this situation arises? What's the arrangement in the interim?

I too am also confused by the year and half gap.....

Thoughts of the child are taken into account from age 11 though if that helps?

The reason is that there is a clause in our divorce whereby a new partner has a stand down period of ‘x’months which is standard where I live (not UK) and is actually pretty sensible now that I am in the middle of it.
Yes it doesn’t help that I was in a similar situation myself as a youngster that is for sure.
My DD knows the family in terms of seeing them in the street, but doesn’t want to be forced to stay overnight if she doesn’t want to.
At 10.5 I think she will be able to make her feelings clear. I have no problem with a new relationship but this start of this one is very very messy and is going to cloud my DD view for some time ahead.
It is not all going to be sweetness and new family for my exh ..
Ther are two-nearly teenagers involved on her side too so it’s a hard situation. ExH has started doing things together as as a family 4 weeks into this relationship.