From friendship to romance...

[switchedon]

For those of you who went from friendship to romance, can I ask you how did you know things were intensifying, did you doubt yourself and your / their feelings, was it automatically mutual, what were the signs or the inklings that you got if it was the friend who pursued you first etc. was it over a long period of time etc. Thanks for reading! Asking as Im unsure if Im misreading signals etc

We did. It took us about a year and a half. We doubted each other's feelings and both were convinced the other wasn't interested! We knew things were intensifying as we were chatting every night on messenger, despite working together and talking all day too, seeing each other regularly once a week (and neither of us ever missed one) Then, we began to see each other for more extra one off things (they were dates but neither of us dared to think they were)
There were little signs along the way like each other being annoyed/ grumpy if dating other people was mentioned, one particular work function I noticed him watching me all night (sounds creepy- it wasn't)
It was painful at times as I was always worried he would find someone else and I'd have to pretend to be happy for him, but I was finding I didn't want to see anyone else as I was falling in love with him.
Eventually, it all came tumbling out as he went on a set up blind date and I was so hurt- my face couldn't hide it- then he confessed that he had not wanted to go and his friends had told him he needed to get over me! We told each other we loved each other about a week later, moved in a month after that and are getting married soon. It's amazing!

crochetmonkey74 - Awwwwwww what a lovely story.

OP, I've tried to go from friendship to romance twice but it didn't work out for me either time.

He applied for a job in Australia, the thought of not seeing him was unbearable. We were work colleagues. We started dating soon after, he got an interview for the job about 8 weeks later. He flew out for an interview but didn’t get the post.

Op is this a female and male friendship, male & male or female & female?

Lovely stories ! Sorry it didn’t work out userxx. Me female him male ..crochet monkey my own situation is quite son-in-law to how you describe yours .. constantly together at work/ lunches together/ after work chats and hanging aroun then home to continued texts , both light chat and heavy stuff . Lovely personal compliments shared on personality and the physical . Seeking eachother out when in groups . Future plans but non commital on either side .. just the want to plan something together I think .. eg travel/ concerts etc . Finding eachother hilarious and interesting . Going for dinner/ gig/ coffee together with separate friendship groups and on our own . Does this sound like something more than the normal ???

*Similar 😂😂

We started off as flatmates in a house share. I found I was putting on make up when I got home.

We were fast friends for ages and it wasn't until he started internet dating that I realised how I felt.

I had this idea that he was far far far above my level so I actually started to be a bit mean to him, to push him away before I got my heart broken.

That's when he realised what I meant to him, he hated it when I was so cold.

We got absolutely hammered one night and ended up waking up together. That was fifteen years ago. We are married with kids now

I'd recommend the getting hammered bit, the being mean bit was just silly. In my defence I was only early twenties and had no idea what I was doing!

What you've described sounds rather hopeful, let us know how you get on!

Very, very gradually (over the course of about 5 years). I was in love with him for a very long time before he made a move on me. I may have hinted, but he never seemed to notice - until after I had left XH, when he kissed me. He is a difficult bugger who causes me endless agony, but at least I knew this was likely to be the case, as I knew him so well...

We'd been good friends, then FWB. He started spending more time at mine than at home. I went on holiday and woke up one day (September 11th weirdly but before we knew anything had happened there) realising I'd fallen for him and kicking myself because I didn't think he felt the same.

He got a friend to phone me on the day I got back asking if he could come round. I said yes and he told me he was in love with me. I told him I felt the same.

We've been married 14 years this year.

Friends for about 2 years. He was always keen but I was in relationships/dating others.
We started to spend more and more time together and went on holiday together. He would always plan wonderful surprises for me.
I saw him as a great friend who I loved. He was open in his love for me and wanting us to be together.
I suddenly realised I wanted to spend time with him more than anyone else.
Also read a thread on here about good relationships being about caring for each other, being kind and reliable and laughing together and it suddenly clicked.

We live several hours apart but are talking about me moving and us getting married. Just waiting for him to officially pop the question!

Such lovely stories !! Gives me hope! I’m really torn between knowing if this is just really close friendship or something more... judging from your experiences , what are your thought, if you wouldn’t mind?

It sounds like definitely more than a friendship. If I was you I'd say "Fancy a drink after work tomorrow?" (or whatever) and then when you're out, after a couple of drinks say "So... is this a date we're on, or what?"

(Make sure you go somewhere you don't have to bellow to be heard!)

I did have a friendship that progressed to a romance, we even lived together for a while but it didn't work out in the end.

I’m in the exact same situation and when it came up two months ago he said it’s just friends for him. Yet the intensity continues. I just don’t understand what’s going on in his head. I feel intuitively that there must be more but have to take him at his word too. It’s horrible.

Either he’s in denial or I’m his plan b

I had a friend for ten years. I was married to first DH, he had a long term GF. When I divorced, we were together within a month. Best one night of my life. Now I'm married again - to my friend. A friendship is the best foundation for a relationship.

Well, we were friends for decades. Various marriages to other people, various kids..... Finally single at the same time, and I guess our texting increased, maybe included a slightly flirtatious element it hadn't before, and we started to plan things we'd never done before (like going away together). But I still wasn't particularly sure he liked me like that (I knew how I felt and had for a few months). Then he came over one night, I got drunk, I wept quite a bit (which as we all know is very attractive to men ) and we ended up kissing, and that was it. Still couldn't really tell you who kissed who first.......
Friendship is a brilliant basis for a relationship, but beware, there is no room for those kind of fantasies you usually have at the start of a relationship where you can imagine the other person is perfect and the faults they have are just strange new aspects of their brilliance. When you properly know someone, faults and all, you can't unknow them. It's good, though!

Such lovely stories and gives us all hope when things are t going well for us in the relationship stakes ! I’m sure other readers are also feeling the love and the hope so thanks ! So we have a few events coming up... work and friendship related ... there won’t be opportunity for us really to be on our own as such but based on your replies I’m going to try to stand back and see if there are any telling signs... maybe glancing over of I’m talking to others/ making an effort to sit near eachother/ dance together etc . He’s always does these things before when we go out but I’ll be interested to see how he reacts when I’m not in his direct company ... it might be telling?? You see I’m frightened to address it as if I am completely wrong, I would be afraid it might affect the friendship which is the most important thing to me . He has suggested, knowing that it isnt possible for me at the moment, to go away to a favourite place of ours for a weekend ... not in a romantic sense ... presumably as friends who share the same love of the area and all that it offers . We talk of what we would do, where we would go.. almost plan out our days... yet it will probably not come off at all!!!! Any tips for observing for signs more than friendship when we are out socially????

He has suggested, knowing that it isnt possible for me at the moment, to go away to a favourite place of ours for a weekend ... not in a romantic sense ... presumably as friends who share the same love of the area and all that it offers

This sounds really promising - me and DP look back on all the things we did now 'just as friends' and shake our heads at the idiocy of it! we were really kidding ourselves!
As it is coming up to Christmas could you suggest a festive walk round somewhere like a Market? Start racking up some days out? It will be easy to see then if it continues into 'want to come in for a cuppa/ go to cinema etc. We would end up together all day, then up chatting til the early hours - I reckon you will be the same- can you ask him to do something this weekend?

We are going to an event this weekend . He will be with his friends and I will be with mine but we will all essentially be together having fun . Yes we often talk about the future... travelling together, seeing places that we’ve never been to, sharing lazy days together etc but never in a romantic sense. I suppose we just love each other’s company and crave to be together chatting and laughing and also doing nothing . Following weekend will be work night out . The last time , I kissed him on the lips ... just a quick one as I had too much to drink!

I suppose we just love each other’s company and crave to be together chatting and laughing and also doing nothing

this is promising- what happened after the kiss?????

Well we went our seperate ways to our respective hotels and met for breakfast the next morning which turned into a three hour chat in the car . We didn’t acknowledge the kiss... I was very embarrassed .... we went our seperate ways again with a kiss on the cheek, which we don’t normally do at all and he text me later that night to say that he didn’t know if it was because he was after a few beers saying this but he really really enjoyed our night and day together and it was special . I’m kicking myself now because I played it down saying .. yes it was so great to get that time on our own and chat and catch up 🙈🙈 I brought up the kiss months later and he sent me loads of smiley love heart emojis and sent a funny video of the song .. you make my dreams come true ... sounds so naff 😂😂sorry

OMG you have got to say something!!!!!

How is this leaving you in any doubt?

DO IT

(she says having taken 18 months to do it herself and then by accident)

: )

I’m afraid as I have so much to lose!!! After that episode six months ago, things cooled slightly . That was mutual. He began to date a girl a few months ago. Nothing serious on his part . He likes her but it’s very casual on his part despite her being crazy about him . They meet now and again and enjoy dinner and cinema but no major progress . Nice girl but he lives his own life, does his own thing and feels a bit smothered by his own account. She fits in etc. So I’ll have to watch him around me socially and look for hints that he may have more interest in me than friends when Were out in a big group together . Also some friends of mine will be there and they have heard all about him but never met him and I’ve never discussed him in a romantic way so I’ll beninterested to hear their opinions on our interaction after the event . What should I look out for here?

I'm not sure as I think the 'signs' can be so easy to see/ obsess over/ analyse.
They drive you mad, and then you think 'If he liked me, he'd tell me' along the lines of that 'he's just not that into you' thing.
I kind of enjoy that talking about it all the time with friends stage, and analysing stuff but I don't think it is very accurate and definitely not healthy. It's a tricky one. I don't think there are real signs to look out for as I have one very lovely male friend who is asexual. Several women have fancied/ fallen in love with him in the 15 years I have known him, each have seen signs that GENUINELY are not there. When I tell him, he is mortified and consequently now feels so pressured to not give signs and lead people on. So I am not sure it's a good yardstick.

Ok thanks, I understand your point about it being so easy to over analyse crochetmonkey .This is why I posted I guess, as i just couldnt tell for sure if what had been happening was intense friendship or something more. Still not sure but the next few weeks will be interesting!Sometimes i wonder if Im simply imagining it!