Pregnant and angry AIBU

[redrobin123]

Hi lovely people

I'm 5 months pregnant with dd2 and have a lovely 20 month old dd who is still bf and does not sleep!

I have had the worst pregnancy so far, constant sickness, fatigue, crazy hormones and headaches and just feeling like a complete slob!

Trying to wean dd2 from bf but finding it really hard and she's been waking constantly all night for the last 2 weeks and I'm averaging about 3 hours sleep a night.

My dh obviously has never had to do any night feedings or wake ups as she's breast fed which wouldn't normally bother me but st the moment I feel so annoyed with him AIBU?

He's recently been on quite a few nights out mostly work related but he really goes all out, last week he had one where he didn't get in till 4 and there were pictures of him dancing with women on fb (completely innocent) but made me so jealous as I feel like such a fat tired lump, he also didn't get in touch with me all night, we spoke about it and he apologised and said he understood why I was feeling down about it mainly him being out parting with loads of gorgeous girls whilst I'm at home feeling like rubbish being up all night.

He went out again last night another late one and again there are pictures of him doing shots with some gorgeous non pregnant women! I know again it's innocent and he probably just needs a blow out but I am so bloody annoyed about it!! I just feel so rubbish. We've not been out on a night together for so long and I just feel so jealous he's out having this amazing time with all these other people.

Am I being a complete crazy or would this annoy you too? He is a lovely husband I just feel So rubbish!

Xxx

I'm 24 weeks and have an 11 month old, and I can completely understand why you'd be pissed.

Could you get him to baby sit and you have a girls night out? Maybe arrange two nights out over two consecutive weekends. This might make him feel what it's like the other way round? Xx

Thanks myother

So nice to hear I'm not being completely crazy!! Yeah, good idea!! Will try and organise something xxx

Your DH needs to do more. He's not exactly being unreasonable if he's never been asked/expected to step up at night, but I'd make him the night carer while you get sleep. You need it. Are you home with DD1 all day? That'd make it worse for me.

If you're trying to settle DD1 without BF, that's easier for DH to do as you'll remind her of milk. If I were you I'd get DH to look into some form of sleep training (we did gradual retreat, worked marvelously and was a life saver).

DD1 will have learned to expect cuddles and milk when she wakes in the night. She needs to get used to something else. It might be hard to begin with but eventually she'll stir and go 'oh I'm in my cot, here's my teddy, I'll go back to sleep.' You're making another human, you can't be expected to do it.

I wouldn't exactly ban your DH from nights out but make it clear you need to divide childcare more equally as you're exhausted. If you go on like this you'll make yourself ill and then he really will have to take over!

I’m always very angry during pregnancy. When my DD was born I looked at her little shrieking body and bright red face in the hospital and though that’s exactly how I’ve felt for 9 months so fist bump, I doubt your DH could do anything right really, being pregnant can just be a bit shit. My DH is totally fed up with me having a go at him, wouldn’t be surprised if he retreated to the pub either

Oh and the nausea and tiredness are just awful and Make you a shell of a woman. I feel for you xx

If he's capable of going out drinking until 4am then he's capable of helping you night wean. What I'm clumsily trying to say is that you need to involve him , yes he should be involving himself but for whatever reason that's not happening.

Make a plan , let him do some night settling and offer a drink etc. You need to stay in bed and sleep! You can't go on as you are , especially with another baby on the way.

Good luck.

Thanks so much everyone! Yeah, I've probably not let him do as much as he could just cause it's easier for me to just do it and get a bit more sleep! But obviously that's not working at the moment.
I work 3 compressed days and he's full time so I always feel bad when he's knackered at work cause he's the main breadwinner.
But you're right! Will have a look into that method too! Thanks so much!
I wouldn't ever ban him from going out but just makes me feel like such a lump when I see pictures of him doing shots with these gorgeous girls and I'm at home in my joggers with boobs round my ankles

Really appreciate the advice ladies xxx

Capris - haha! That is totally how I feel too!!!

Nah , don't let him off op. You both work hard and you're doing your job on inedequate sleep and whilst pregnant. That's not on. I'm not saying that he shouldn't go out but he's out drinking shots until the early hours like a teenager while you're struggling. Have you spoken to him about all of this?

Hi keys

Yeah I have spoken to him about it and he's been really reasonable and said he understands etc. It's just when it comes down to it he'll roll over and go back to sleep! Ha! Will try again when he's home tonight

Thanks

Btw I weaned DD slowly around 20 months. DH went in at night and she dropped night feeds. Then went to feeding only after breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then dropped each of those slowly. Eventually said 'mummy has no more milk, but you can have some in a cup.'

Each time she was a tiny bit put out but happy with a big cuddle and cow's milk. When she asked for boob I'd say we're not having any until after next meal. Really not as bad as I thought it would be. We finally weaned fully when I got pregnant and suddenly couldn't stand it!

TBH I would look to nightwean your eldest even if you were thinking of tandem feeding. Your DH needs to do this and commit to it. It might be challenging for a few nights but it will be over very quickly. Don’t let him off the hook.

Frankly best to do this now - you certainly don’t want to Bf a toddler at night whilst Bf a newborn and if you try and night wean her then it will have a bigger “pushed out by the baby” association.

This is what martyrdom gets you. Tell him he has a child and a pregnant wife and that his priorities are way off.

Start as you mean to go on and if you want and need his support, stop enabling him not to.