These hurtful comments, is this worrying

[Issy777]

Me and do have such a complicated relationship as we have been on n off. There's loads of stuff that has gone on but I'll just get to the upsetting comments
So do owns his own house, always has done from 10 years ago/ parents rich n bought him it n through years always referred to it as "his house" even tho I put money into (not much but about 10%)
Anyway, we're getting an extension on house. He was pricing up windows n company has said they will come round but partner has to be there. He asked why (I found this odd too) company said they prefer the partner to be there as apparently they've had issues when one has agreed n they've gone ahead only to be told they want to cancel as other half wasn't happy with the style ...
Dp then said "well it's my house I make all the arrangements"
"What I say goes"

Then he actually said whilst company were persisting it was their t&c "well what if I finished her ?"

This all going on with me there. I was so shocked and hurt. I feel so rejected. Maybe I should be used to his comments about "his house, his house his house" I get that n Iv never ever tried to claim ownership but the last comment killed me.

From these comments would you say he just doesn't have any feelings for me? Or plans to not be with me? It's tragic we have two dds, youngest dd is 11 months old just wondering if anyone else has had this similar situation

OP - if this is the only issue and he is a loving and caring partner and husband - then one can be logical about this and say - maybe it’s jiat about the house...
But I get a feeling it not the only issue there if you are questioning his feelings....

I do wonder, again and again - why, why, why - are women continuing to have children in shaky on/off relationships where men didn’t decide to fully commit to their partner and provide them and their future children with financial protection....
So at last if/when things go south kids don’t suffer as much.

I don’t know your situation at all - but do think about what iffs and what would happen in the event he changes his mind about you all living in his house.
If you don’t have a job - think about getting one. Etc

In the context of other things I recall you saying about your DP it is worrying. Unfortunately I don't have any advice, though. Your position is very precarious. Do you have savings?

Do you have proof of your 10%?

I'd be very worried in your shoes Issy. You're not married, the house is in his sole name, and he obviously hasn't got any plans to make you financially secure, judging by his comments to the window salesman. You seem to be very young, so you need to do something now to protect your future. He could trade you in for a younger model at any time.

The last comment was facetious in the context of the point being made by the company rep. Who do have a ridiculous policy. However it was incredibly rude and disrespectful.

He clearly thinks of it as his house and he more or less correct in that. Nonetheless it is worth speaking to a solicitor to establish your exact position in relation to the property and what would happen if you separate.

I don’t think your DP will throw you out but I can’t see why you want to stay. He refuses to marry, spends very little time with you intentionally, ignores your opinions and is disrespectful to women. You get to look after his kids whilst he is away in the week and then are on hand to take the load off him at the weekend. He doesn’t have to pay maintenance so it is happy single days with help at home from you. What’s not to like for him.

What a fucking rude loser! What are his good points? Besides taking mummy’s and daddy’s money for his house?

Thanks to everyone all very valid points

@LemonTT I like how you've pointed out that comment was for the company's sake
But you do have the gist of our whole relationship! That's exactly how it is

What a truly horrible bastard, his contempt for you is brazen at the least, two children and everything’s his and his alone, I couldn’t be in a relationship like this worrying about getting slung out and I’d not want a future with a man that thought so little of me. You have no commitment here.

Op why are you living in a house that you have no claim on, with a man that treats you badly?

Do you work?

Are you actually married to him?

Hello thanks for your response

Not married to him no, I made a separate post about it how because my daughter is 11 now she has been asking why we're not married and it's really hurtful.

I work 4 days a week as an intervention teacher. But you're right is ridiculous we've been together for 15 years on and off. It's really getting me down

To be fair.

If it's on/off why would you marry?

The windows needing to be agreed by both of you is pretty standard. I’d be worried about the rest though

I think he was just worked up about what the company had said about u having to be there.id have a chat to him about this but to me i dont think it was ment to hurt u etc.i think if he does see it all as his house then u shouldnt put money into it but id tell him how this has made u feel x

15 years off and on; and you have zero say in where you live, any chance you can get your own place, I'd hate to be relying on someone that can be so hurtful.

Izzy , I would be asking for a civil partnership/marriage right now. If he won’t do it, stop contributing in any way to the house, put that 10% aside for you and make sure you have at least a part time job in place and keep your skills up. Also be aware at all times of his earnings/assets. Sorry to sound cynical but so many on here find themselves in a bad way without knowing this stuff and struggling to get maintenance, especially when not married

@yetmorecrap

Thanks yep I've also been told by colleagues, I understand how important it is but he always said hi to marriage

I didn't know you can't get maintenance though if ur not married? Isn't it if their names aren't on birth certificates??

He has always been adamant that his name goes on bc and both dds take his surname.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

He has wanted and indeed expected you to hand over all your power and control here to him, this selfish individual. He does not want to share anything with you and has no intentions whatsoever of marrying you. This is why your relationship has been on/off so these past 15 years and it should now be off - permanently.

Your legal position is at best here precarious. I would be planning my exit from this sharpish, this is no relationship model to be showing your children. He is financially responsible for his children going forward, but you as an individual no. In law you are seen as two individuals unrelated to each other and he knows that as well. He has taken full advantage.

Can you prove your 10% deposit by bank statements and the like?.

you can get maintenance for the child only in that situation, however as I know from friends, it isn't always straight forward married or not to actually always get it! so cant be relied on 100% whether married or not.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

I am quite naive in this area , I admit. It doesn't help this is the norm in the culture I come from. Although, they expect marriage, things like finances and control are left to the men.
I am quite concerned about the 10% contribution I have made. I only have proof as a bank account. He previously before we had a big split put my name on the deeds but the. When we split he went to a solicitor to get my name taken off and gave me back the money and told me to get out from his house. I did but had to get a place to rent.
We then got back together late 2016 after I fell pregnant in early 2017 (this was a complete fluke as had infertility issues) so then when I was about 7 months pregnant it was agreed I move back in but I had to give him
"A contribution to HIS house again" luckily that money was kept in a savings account so I again transferred it to him BUT without my name going on the deeds this time.
It does scare me but last time he did give it me back so I don't see why he shouldn't this time?

No point getting married now if it's just to divorce I'm 6 months. Not sure how much legal protection that would give you. Seek independent legal advice re your contribution to the house if you were to break up.

If you've been paying 10% then his defence presumably would be that you contribution goes towards paying for your own bills not towards the mortgage....so you may have no rights whatsoever...but check with a solicitor!! ASAP.

He's an arse.