Is it possible for a Narc to truly engage with therapy & change?

[CornflakeGhetto]

Thinking of my dm here. She walked out when I was a child & my db was only 4. Can you imagine just walking out on a 4yo? She later said she thought it was ok because we got to keep our home & our 'd'f was there to care for us.. Only he didn't, because he was severely abusive himself. I ended up in the care system. My db ran away & survived by his wits.

My dm has always had a chip on her shoulder - it was always about what we could do for her. It's now decades on & I've been nc for 12yrs, however recently I got back in touch to ask some questions. She answered them by reply but there was still the undercurrent of a sting in her writing. At least that's how I read it. I'm considering telling her if she wants the possibility of a connection then she has to do the same therapy that I've had. That way she might come to some sort of consciousness. What do you think? Are there any Narc's who see the light?

Nope.

They don't change. Their circumstances change and they sometimes adjust their behavior to get what they want as a result of it. But no, fundamentally they still use and abuse. My mother did this after my dad died. She's still an arsehole, just increasingly vulnerable and wise to me detaching if 'too much of the real her' rears its head.

Asking her to get therapy will just drag you back in. Work on yourself. You can't change others, only how you respond. It's simpler.

I would also add that schema therapy is a challenging therapy and requires an excellent therapist for it to be effective. Results are painfully slow and difficult to gauge. Also requires real engagement from the patient and a desire to make progress. The testing is very revealing but the treatment plan isn't always clear.