AIBU?

[breezytreetrunks]

Without going into too much detail, I’m currently seeing a man and have been for the last 10 months. We get on really well and he does make me happy.

He has a child from a previous relationship who he has 6 evenings a week including an over night stay every weekend. Due to this arrangement and working long hours (both him and myself) we rarely ever get any time together.

I see him probably twice a week and that normally involves him arriving at my home for around 10pm after dropping his daughter off, we have an hour together before going to bed as we have to be up early for work the next morning.

Whilst I appreciate he has a lot of responsibilities and is devoted to his daughter (which is not a bad thing) I can’t help but feel fed up that we don’t get much time together. I understand his daughter will always come first and I would never want to change that, however I’m not sure I could carry on a relationship with someone who I only see two evenings a week. I would hope (in time) he would be able to balance having his daughter and a relationship but I’m not to sure.

AIBU to feel this way? If you’ve ever dated someone with children from a previous relationship how did it work out and did you find it difficult? Did it get better in time?

It sounds like he's a devoted dad and he's not going to stop seeing his daughter or see her less. It's up to you if you can deal with being second.

It's lovely that he takes the opportunity to see his daughter everyday eventhough he's not with her mother. If you can't deal with that you should probably not be with him

10pm would be far too late for me to see someone especially if there was no other time. What’s the point in that? Cant you fit in a day and an evening on the weekend?

Is there a reason he has her 6 evenings a week?
Does her mum work shifts?
Seems an odd set up.
Unless she is very young and the mum has her during the day and the dad in the evening???

When I'm on dating apps, I immediately swipe left if there are any younger kids on the scene.
It's just not something I want.
Although I am far far older than you!

If you want more then I think you need to find someone else.

6 evenings a week sounds a lot?

Have you met the daughter yet?

6 evenings a week sounds a lot?

If I didn't have custody of my kids after a split I would absolute want to see them everyday if I could

6 evenings out of 7? So where is her mother, sounds very weird, are you sure they are not still together?

Even folk who live with their kids get more freedom than knocking off at 10pm at night twice a week; how can he expect to have a relationship with anyone like that.

No, I'd find someone who is actually available more than someone coming over at 10pm to go to bed.

Even folk who live with their kids get more freedom than knocking off at 10pm at night twice a week; how can he expect to have a relationship with anyone like that.

Presumably the mother has the child all the other times during the day that isn't evening plus all night every night

So basically he comes round yours for sex at ten pm? Chats to you for an hour then off you go to bed?

Do you ever have dates? Are you sure he has his kid six evenings a week and one over night?

I would be very sceptical. Do you really believe the mother doesn't have her dd more time than that?

Trinity; depends on age of child, if school age, the mother won't see child that much. All night, after 10pm?

Sounds weird OP, is he spending his evenings at his ex's home then coming to yours those two nights?

Trinity; depends on age of child, if school age, the mother won't see child that much. All night, after 10pm?

As I said if it were my children and somehow I lost custody if I split up with my ex I would be heart broken if I couldn't see them everyday and yes all night after 10pm.....what's confusing about that?

The whole set up confuses me tbh.

The whole set up confuses me tbh.

She hasn't really said anything about the mother, maybe she works evenings so he he looks after their DD till the mother finishes? That would make sense

Is there the option of seeing him while he has his daughter? If you see this relationship progressing it would be good to build a foundation which includes his daughter as well

Apologies for the late reply. Yes I 100% believe he is no longer with his ex, she cheated on him with several other men and accused him of abusing her physically and sexually etc. As you can already tell things didn't end on good terms.

When they split, she was housed in emergency accommodation in a b&b around 20 miles from where we live so he spends his time after work catching the bus to pick her up from her mothers and taking her back to his house for a few hours and then dropping her back at home. As he works M-F he can't have her overnight during the week as he wouldn't be able to get her back in time in the morning before going to work.

I do believe he is genuinely busy and not just fobbing me off but it's still hard.

I would love to be a part of his little family with his daughter and spend time with both of them but I think he worries what his ex might say/do if she found out or he told her.

He has over night on the weekend as he can't do that during the week.

He sounds a devoted dad. But it wouldn't be the relationship for me, unless I was happy with a twice-weekly booty call.

His circumstances right now don’t allow for a lot of free time. I would end the relationship as it’s clearly not making you happy and It doesn’t seem his situation will change any time soon.

This sounds very tiring for him. Is there any way he could move a lot closer to his ex and therefore be able to have his daughter overnight? Also, if you're both serious about each other he'll have to introduce you in the next 6 months or so?

Any update @breezytreetrunks ??