How long to wait?

[walkingdead2018]

I am separated from husband for 3/4 months now. We went to marriage counselling earlier in the year but I don't think we stuck it out long enough and things escalated again. Anyway I'm at the point now where I still want to work on things but he is very unsure. Will not really discuss properly with me at the moment. Saying he needs time to think about this. I have tried to be understanding of the situation and fully admit to all of my own wrong doings in the marriage and I am now seeing a counsellor on my own. But I still feel very stuck not knowing what the outcome is going to be. How long do I keep waiting? I feel it's obviously a bad sign he is not willing to talk but at the same time I don't feel ready to give up all hope on saving our marriage.

Can you suggest a temporary separation.
Leaving you hanging is not OK.
Could he stay somewhere else for a week or so?
Some headspace might help you both?

I think if he went even commit to trying to work on things after 3/4 months you need to think about moving on

We are already living separately. Pushing him to speak is definitely not helping matters but I am struggling to get through this time not knowing what is going to ultimately happen in the end

I heard of something called Discernment counselling when one leaning in & one out

Thanks. I have looked it up but can't seem to find anywhere that provides this type of counselling

It's a horrible place to be, I really sympathise. You say you are separated, is he behaving as "normal" with you when you see him, or has he shut down completely? I think how he's behaving is telling, but after 3-4 months he must be having some idea. I do think though that if you're constantly asking it might not be helpful. Can you give him total space, just drop off and don't contact him unless you need to and see if that helps? I'm not suggesting game play, but giving you both a bit of breathing space might help. Put a time limit on it for yourself in your own mind so it's not open ended, but live in the here and now for a few days (I'm also having counselling for anxiety and overthinking which I've suffered woth since a teenager, but one of the things she is helping me with is dealing with uncertainty, and this is what she's told me to)

You need to accept his refusal to discuss as the end Sorry but it’s time to move on, sounds like he’s checking things out but keeping you on back burner just in case, fuck that.

He's not acting normal with me. Quiet and hurt looking, only see him at the moment when he comes to pick our son up for the weekend. I am trying to give him space at the moment. I haven't spoken to him the last couple of weeks unless necessary. I know some of you are saying move on but I suppose I just feel as, if he was completely done with the marriage why not straight up say that?

There could be many reasons.

He isn't sure
He may not want to say it to you
He may know it's over deep down, but not want to actually face it.

How long isn't a black and white answer. It depends on the issues and how big, how long these issues have gone on etc.

But honestly, I would start moving on.

Moving on isn't an easy decision though, or a cut and dried action, especially after 24 years.

I do think though that really he's made his mind up but isn't necessarily happy about it. I wouldn't put a time on it because sadly you'll know when the time is right, you'll start to feel stronger, you'll start moving on naturally, it won't happen overnight though. Don't beat yourself up, what will be will be, there's nothing more you can do at present if he won't talk. Try not to put your life on hold though while he gets to keep you dangling.