Hello, everyone. I feel I am going cray. I always think about my relationship and it is very difficult to concentrate on anything else and I do not know what to do about it. Basically I think about whether we should be together, ehther he is the one, whether we have a future together, should I keep going or should I break up. It's killing me inside. We met a year and three months ago, been dating since and been living together in a tiny (no separate bedroom) apartment for three months. I haven't had many relationships previously (we are 28/29), he has basically been in different relationships (lasting around 2-5 years) during the past 10 years. I have used to being alone all the time (i.e apart from work, hobby and meeting with friends 1-2 times per month). I live and need being alone. I alos love and need my hobby (2 times per week, sometimes more). I am rather independent. He, on the other hand, has no friends or hobbies (well he likes watching youtube and sometimes programming in computer and stuff), and he wants do spend all the time with me together and he never goes out alone.
I did not have exactly this big lovely feeling in the beginning as there were things I did not exactly fancy about him (i.e. he does not ask much questions to get to know me; he is not as assertive as I would like; he does not laugh or be like funny silly as I am so I keep holding myself back a bit etc). But at one point I really fell in love. But this feeling is gone now for several moths. Especially because I feel suffocated. We have had a few long talks/discussions about his need to be together all the time and my need to have my own time. He has agreed to give me (in addition to my hobbues) the time to recharge my batteries every day by not talking, keeping silence, while we are still in the same room. I just feel so pressured all the time. This started rather at the beginning of our relationship and I tried to minimize my own activities, but then I burned out and asked for these "silent" times and said I will do more my own things again. We almost broke up during this discussions, because at first he was certain it is something he cannot do (be at home with me and not talk, for example). He always says he fears that as the time goes by I keep wanting to do more and more and more stuff on my own and as a result we annot spend time together. I keep telling him that I want to do different things, including spending time with him. And the more I have choice, the more I choose him - if I constantly feel pressured to be with him, I do not want to do it.
My worrie is that he has very positive traits, too. And I guess his traits would be especially beneficial for family life, if we had children. - i.e. likes to be at home, cleans and cooks, likes to hike and spend time outside, he is caring etc. However, at this point I am not sure whether I would like to have children with him in the future. Firstly, we would have to find a bigger living place, but he is more like "let's see what the future holds" type and very unable to make decisions, so already the idea of talking about such serious thing makes me go crazy. Recently I asked about his thoughts about future, and these were vary vague (he wants to someday live in some bigger place and he someday wants to have children, because everyone has children and it would be fun, but he has not thought about any additional details).
I am overall just so confused and I keep thinking and thinking and cannot enjoy life anymore. After the last talk, things have improved, I can have my space more etc. However, still, one day we have very great day, good activities and and talks, but on everyday basis I feel tired and worried. He is good on paper mostly, but I just do not feel he is the one, or the right person, my person. But then again I am worried that maybe these are just my fears holding me back, maybe if I try to see the positives, try to desire to do less my own thing and more with him, be vulnerable etc, give myself entirely to him, plan our future together etc - then maybe I would have a great family life one day.