We all live together...

[Oaklands]

My mum has been my best friend my whole life.. so when I told her I was pregnant, She couldn't have been happier.

I was living with my mother and my brother (very close family, enjoyed living together). It was decided after I found out I was pregnant that we should move home together, and find somewhere bigger to live with my partner also (all sharing utilities etc).

We found the perfect house, moved in etc..

It's been a couple of really trying months living together. I can't actually think of a day I've had at the new house where I've been happy.

My mother and brother get on very very well with my partner but they make comments and moan to myself frequently when he is not around over ANY TINY thing.

I am very much in the middle and do not know what is right or wrong most of the time, or who I should be sticking up for etc.

My partner is very nice and not difficult to live with, he has his moments, but my mother and brother do too, yet my partner would NEVER moan to me about them?

Don't get me wrong, no body has ever publicly fallen out or rowed about anything to each other it's just when my partner is at work I seem to receive comments about him. Maybe I tell my family too much about my relationship?

I have tried to talk to my family about this and results in everybody getting upset, then it just goes back to the same situation again, I'm trying to have good days, look forward to my baby arriving, at the same time as dodging nasty comments.

I end up looking like a kept woman who will stick up for her boyfriend no matter what,which isn't the case.
It's very confusing what I should do, I feel very stressed.
I absolutely hate being in the middle.

Move out?

Wait a sekonda watch. You’re ALL living in the same house? Your mum, brother and partner? What the devil? Are you a fan of the Waltons? You’re nuts. Move out. It should be just you and your partner.

I know you’ve lived happy as Larry with your family but come on, its all changed now. Good grief. No wonder there’s friction.

I think it’s time to move to place of your own,especially with a baby on the way. It’s all very well living with close family when you’re single but when you add an “ outsider” it changes the dynamics.

Your partner may be lovely but your family don’t want to have to live with him. They will probably get on great with him when you move out.

What do they actually moan about?

If you're as close as you say, are you not able to actually talk to them about this and tell them to stop? Say the living arrangements aren't working for you, and if they don't pack it in, you and your DP will move out.

Agree that the dynamics change with an 'outsider' moving in. What does your DP think about the arrangement? Would he prefer for you guys to live on our own? He must be picking up on the stress.

@maximumcarnage 'wait a sekonda watch!' 😂 I will be stealing that one!

I think it depends what they moan about.
But can you nip it in the bud the moment it starts?
Them: Oaklands your DP is....
You: Stop right there. If you have any issues with him then take them up with him directly, I do NOT want to hear it. It's stressing me out when I should not be stressing at all. So no more of this! Soooo.... what's the weather forecast for the weekend!??

The whole dynamic of your relationship with your Mother and brother has changed with the introduction of your boyfriend.
It will all change again as soon as your baby arrives. So be prepared for more emotional upheaval.

You are at that stage in life where your relationship with your Mother changes from one of parent~child to being adult~adult, it's often a period of stress.

Some people never manage to make the transition to the new relationship with parents, that's why MN is full of posts bewailing "having" to please and placate their parents.

Your new family unit has got to be focused on your baby and partner, so you will have to detach from your Mother & brother. It could be a tricky bit of negotiation for all of you, but something you will have to try.

It will only get worse when the baby arrives, I don't think it's a good idea all of you living together and not very fair on your partner either

YABU to your partner.

You, him and your baby are a unit now and need to establish yourself as such.

I get on great with my mother but would never live with her unless absolutely necessary, certainly not by choice.

How old are you? Was your partner agreeable to this set up or did he do it to please you?

I can’t believe you live with your partner, with a baby on the way, AND your mum and brother! Move the hell out. You are not ready to bring up a baby if you and your partner can’t stand on your own two feet. No wonder you’re all bickering, it’s not normal for an adult couple to fail to fly the nest and get stuck there trying to raise their young.

Failure to launch.

Come on OP, it's time to move out. This is just going to get worse when the baby comes. It sounds like your partner is under constant scrutiny, it's not fair on either of you.

My DM is my best friend too but I didn’t live with her while bringing up a family.You are a separate unit.
My kids are late teens, I’m separated and would consider living with DM again ( she loves the idea) once my kids are independent.
But that’s different because I’m single again. I wouldn’t even consider moving in with a partner!

Blimey - I love my DD beyond anything but......I do not want her living with me when she is pregnant etc...
That is just not what I would think is best for her or her partner.
They would embarking on a new life, together, as a family.
I would not want to encroach on that.
It's a weird set up - no doubt about it.
Can you find your own place with your partner and start your new life together?

Why did you think it is a good idea to all live together?

You need your own home.
What will happen if your brother meets someone and starts a family ?

I couldn't imagine being your DP.

This is one of the craziest things I've read on here, and I've read a lot!

it's just when my partner is at work I seem to receive comments about him. Maybe I tell my family too much about my relationship?

Yeah it all sounds a bit too close for comfort to me. Fair enough if the living together thing works for you all in the main, but it’s not fair on your partner to slag him off to your mum and brother - of course they will have an opinion on him if you’re over sharing.

Talk to friends or moan on here if you’ve got something on your mind, but don’t sound off about him to your mum and then be surprised when she doesn’t think highly of him!

Your DP sounds like a saint! No way could I live like this, you need to actually stick up for him. You're about to become family in your own right.

How is your DP going to establish a healthy parent-child relationship with your new DC with your mum and brother in the way?
You need to move out.

My DM is my best friend too and we speak every day but I wouldn't live with her as an adult. If I had a partner who suggested moving in with his mother and brother I would tell him no way!

You all need your own space. What a weird living arrangement.

If your house was big enough for you all to have your own sitting rooms, it might work. As it is, you seem to be falling over each other. However you did live together in your previous house.

Your family really should not be moaning about your partner to you, please tell them how unfair it is and how it upsets you.

Who decided you all should live together? I'm guessing it was your dm's idea.

Anyway it's not working out. You need to move out. People move out all the time when living together doesn't work. You can't continue living like this. You're having a baby. You and dp need your own space to grow as a family.

Your DP must reeeaaaally love you.

They see him as an outsider . I’d move out as soon as you can as with a baby in the mix too that is going to be all kinds of hell