Legal action over a message?

[Pinkmonkeybird]

I'm wondering if someone can shed some light. In October I split with my ex who was cheating on me with someone at work. I had to leave immediately the night I found out because he became aggressive towards me and my 15 year old DD (not his child) after I confronted him. Since then I have been living at a friend's house and my DD has been staying with her dad - she comes to stay with me at weekends. This is temporary whilst I have been looking for a house to rent and we move in a few weeks time. So a lot of my belongings have been in storage at the house I shared with my ex - the property is owned by his father and we rented it off him. I arranged to go to there today with my boss's partner, to collect some belongings. Whilst there the ex's father intimated that some 'unsavoury things have happened' and my ex is fuming. I asked what he meant and he said it was something to do with a friend of mine. I had no clue what he was talking about and asked him for more information. He replied that I obviously didn't know, but either way they may be looking into legal action and consulting his solicitor. He wouldn't talk further about it. This evening I have found out that one of my friends sent a message to the OW via Facebook messenger. It was a single message explaining what my ex has put me through and basically advising that she must be mindful it could happen to her in the future. Nothing in the message is abusive towards the OW, but it does call my ex an idiot and brings up the fact he was aggressive towards my DD. I'm not very happy that my friend has done this, but they explained they were angry on my behalf as my ex has almost moved the OW into the house I shared with him up until a month ago. The only other thing I can think of is on that night I left, I posted a FB status explaining what had happened - I had blocked/unfriended any mutual friends we had, so he wouldn't be privy to this. As far as I am aware, unless the OW has received a number of messages which are abusive there really is no legal recourse. I admit I messaged her once on the night I left wishing her the best of luck and she was welcome to him, but that is it. I have no further interest in what they do.

I've told my boss all about it this evening and she says they are trying to intimidate me. I just want to move on with my life, move into my new house and forget about what a shitty year I've had, wishing I had left earlier. Has anyone experienced similar?

He's full of shit, ignore and move on

No legal advice.

But it sounds like an empty threat tbh. Are these messages from last month he's talking about?

OP I would stress about this, it isn’t harassment as it isn’t repeated and you didn’t direct her to send the messages. I’ve had experience with this personally regarding OW and she has threatened me with all sorts however I have a pile of evidence to prove that she has in fact harassed me and even sent a close friend of mine abuse completely out of the blue when she was blind drunk.

Don’t stress.

@Dirtybadger it was one single message sent last week to the OW. My friend has sent me a copy of what was said and apart from calling my ex and idiot and emotionally immature, that is as bad as it gets. It does advise the OW to note how he has treated me, because she may end up receiving the same in the future from him.

Empty threats designed to deflect from what they have done and make them look like the victims.

I very much doubt a legal professional would even look at them. Block, ignore, move on

@Bumblebeee69 Thank you...I do know deep down they are FOS, but it has really put me on edge.

Did your friend really do this on your behalf without your say-so?

@champagneplanet thank you. That's what I thought...just one frigging message. If it was a string of them it would be a different story, I'm sure.

Ignore it... You didn't even send the message your friend did.. He has no recourse

@another20 yes they did it without me knowing until I let friends on a group message know what he said tonight. Then they fessed up, they feel awful for putting me in a position, but were very angry as I've been through hell this year with my ex gaslighting me.

How ridiculous! no 100% there is nothing to worry about. They could consult a solicitor who could write you a letter warning you of your behaviour (which wasn't even you) but it means nothing. It will just cost them but means nothing. But of course a solicitor may be happy to write because they are getting paid for.. Think of all the separations where someone writes to the other out of anger.

Honestly forgot about it.

@Didsomeonesaybunny thank you, I was just very concerned as I've never had this happen to me before. When I split with my DD's father, it was all very amicable. He did move on very, very quickly too, but nothing acrimonious went on.

Are you happy about it? Or would you prefer if they retracted it - on your say-so?

From OW side - it could look like a campaign - at least 3 missives that your know of - yours DM, your friends DM and the group FB post. Do you know (or have you checked) if any of your other friends have taken it upon themselves, unknown to you to write to this woman? Might be worth checking out.....

@Allalittlebatshit2019 it has rattled me and I wish they would just piss off into the sunset. You are right, I suppose if they want to pay for legal assistance then so be it...what a waste of money.

@another20 I suppose it could be seen that way from OW's perspective, but a one line message of good luck from me, a complaint about my ex on my own FB page and then this...I don't think it is grounds for an actual campaign.

@Another20 I meant to say, No I'm not happy about it at all. My friend is upset, but I've forgiven her as I can understand why having seen me go through an awful time.

That's not an abusive or threatening message. It's uncomfortable reading for them, I'm sure, but it's one person sending another their views. The police aren't going to be the slightest bit interested, and if they want to waste money on discussingit with solicitors, let them. However, I seriously doubt that will happen: they're just saying this stuff to get back at you. Don't let them get to you (easier said than done, I know).

The apple didn't fall far from that tree did it? What a load of B.S.! Your Ex has Daddy threatening you over FB messages? Damn I wish my life was so perfect that I only had to worry about FB. You'll be fine OP

@Butterymuffin yes that's exactly what it was, uncomfortable viewing and a home truth or two. Believe me if I wanted to wreak havoc I could consult the police myself with my daughter regarding the emotional and violent abuse I have endured this past year. But I haven't. I left that night with the intention to get out and move on with my life.

@EKGEMS thanks for the reassurance.i think also his dad must be angry over the way his son has been in general. We (his dad and I) had a great relationship, but obviously his loyalty lies with his son. I'm obviously the whipping boy. I have to arrange for his dad to drop my cats off (they are still with my ex) but I've now decided it will be at my work place as I'm not allowing them to be privy to my new address after all this!

OP, as somebody who understands law in this area, i can tell you you have absolutely nothing to worry about at all.

Lawyer here. You’re fine. Your friend is fine.

@croprotationinthe13thcentury thank you so much. (Love your username!)

@ThunderInMyHeart thank you so much. I am trying not to let it get to me.

He's FOS - don't stress

Sounds like they're worried that you will report the physical abuse to the police so trying to gas light the problem onto you and your 'harassment'! I would seriously consider reporting him to the police at least so it's on file.
But legally no you and your friend aren't harassing anyone but you should report him for whatever he did to your daughter