Not sure how to feel

[Bubble04]

I don’t know where to start. My DH and I have been married 14 years. We married young. In the early days we didn’t have a great relationship. It was very rocky as we got to know each other, but over the years we’ve become so much stronger. I can honestly say that we are happy together. Very happy.
BUT
My DH has severe anxiety and OCD. He’s been struggling a lot recently as we’re buying a house and have a small baby (our third). I’m always the strong one looking after everyone and supporting him. Last week he had a breakdown and during this he told me he had kissed other people. Once when we’d only been married a year. This was when he was living abroad (long story) and was with a girl he worked with. They’d gotten close, went out a few times, and kissed. She pushed him away rather than the other way round. He also admitted to kissing someone on a work night out when our 2nd DS was 1 year old. This was a stranger in a bar while drunk. Both incidents were over 9 years ago.
I feel like I should be able to move past it as we’re different people now. We have 3 DC and are really happy as a couple. It’s just really bothering me. It’s like I’m having to rewrite our history. Am I being over sensitive? How do I get past this?

It may have been 9 years ago for him, but it’s very new for you so be gentle with yourself.

Once you’ve had some time to get used to it you can decide how you feel about it, whether it’s forgivable given that your relationship wasn’t as strong etc or whether the deception ever since is too much for you.

For now just try to take care of yourself and maybe feel a little grateful that he finally came clean (presuming there’s nothing else he’s hiding?). In the grand scheme of things people have forgiven worse but I know I’d be crushed by it.

That’s a great way to describe how I feel. Crushed. We fought through some really tough times and it’s making me doubt if his heart was really in it.
To be honest I’m not sure I am grateful he came clean. I can help feeling that him telling me was a bit selfish. He’d been ok to live with it before, but all of a sudden he can’t live with it. Seems odd.

Do you think maybe something else is on his mind which has caused him to have this ‘breakdown’ and come clean after all this time?

Given that these indiscretions happened over 9 years ago, what happened last week that triggered off his breakdown/meltdown? Was he thinking about doing it again/has he done it again?

The stranger in a bar when your 2nd DS was 1 would really bother me to be honest. What's to stop him doing that again?

I don't think you would be unreasonable to tell him you need some time to process how you feel about this. I don't think he can expect to confess his sins, have you magically forgive him and for everything to be sunshine and roses again after 5 minutes.

Your feelings are valid here too.

Married a year and he cheats, then does it again, don't care when it was, he's a cheat so what's to stop him carrying on doing it.

Why are you having to carry him all the time, anxiety or not, what exactly does he bring to the table.