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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finally got the courage to leave...now this

6 replies

northnorth · 20/11/2018 20:31

My partner is a high functioning alcoholic and emotionally abusive. I have wanted to leave for years ...but he’d threaten me with his suicide or he’d say he wouldn’t physically let me take our children. He has cheated on me several times. He lies about money/debt. He belittles me infront of others.....my confidence has been so low I haven’t wanted to take the steps to leave.

Enough was enough last week. It’s a long story so won’t go into why but I finally knew it was time to leave. I started to look at renting somewhere, booked some viewings and more importantly, told him it was over.

I worked out a budget and have known for some time now I would need help with benefits. My children are both under 5 and I work part time. I can’t go full time because paying for the childcare would rid me of pretty much my entire salary.

So did an online benefits calculator and found out that because I’m on the mortgage at our house they would class it as “capital”. We have only lived in the house for a year but because we have over 20k in equity, if I move out I will not be entitled to any benefits whatsoever. I am absolutely devastated. Only options are to sell the house or if he remortgages in his own name, all of which can take months. I do not have family and friends I can stay with or borrow money from. So I’m stuck here.

Someone please tell me it will be okay.

OP posts:
TooOldForThis67 · 20/11/2018 21:07

I believe you won't get housing benefit but you should be entitled to everything else. Why, if you have 2 young kids should you be the one to leave? Hopefully, someone else will be along with better advice.

Purpleisthenewblue1 · 21/11/2018 09:35

Not sure what the answer is but sure others will know Flowers

Anxioustimes12 · 21/11/2018 16:17

I'm afraid I don't know the answer but try Citizens Advice.....

Adora10 · 21/11/2018 16:24

You need advice from CAB as it’s a shared asset so not all yours iykwim, you might want to ask your local counsellor for help too they can be very useful, you may get full housing benefit.

Happilysinglemum · 21/11/2018 21:06

You will get benefits and can get housing benefit too. Start by presenting to your local council as homeless, fleeing dv (which is what this is) means you are unintentionally homeless as it is not reasonable to continue living there. You can get the housing benefit on the same grounds whether social or private rent.

BundyLancroft · 22/11/2018 08:05

Get advice from Women's Aid and from Rights of Women. They can help you with housing and benefits. You are not trapped.

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