Just realised my relationship is over

[Rancakeroyal]

I’m currently on holiday with dc and dp.

Me and dp have recently gone through a very rough patch. To cut a very long story short, I was quite awful to him, he was very lazy.

We booked a break and I thought this would be it, dc would be worn out excited from the day (which they have been 😃) me and dp would get some quality time to spend together and reconnect, sorry I know that sounds cheesy but that’s what I thought and hoped.

I purchased some nice new pjs, had something special for our arrival. He’s pretty much been glued to an Xbox the whole time.

We’ve spend the day out and about but as soon as we arrive back and dc and in bed, there’s nothing. I’ve just got myself really upset and went to my bedroom (we weren’t sharing bedrooms 🤷‍♀️).

I’m so upset. I feel he has no interest in saving the relationship at all and I’ve realised we are no longer compatible. I’m so sad. This was supposed to be break we all needed.

I planned a couple of little things for us all. He was supposed to bring a few movies which he forgot. Fair enough but don’t spend all night on your game.

I just don’t know where I go from here. It’s christmas soon, I still love him. I’m sat alone in my room with a glass of wine crying.

Start to make a plan. Short, medium, long term. Don't morn tonight.

So what do you want your life to look like after the split? Etc. Try and think of new beginnings.

Go back in to him and lay it down - either he makes some effort to make the marriage work or it will end very soon. You need to shock him into realising what his future will look like if he carries on like this.

It is over - what age is he playing x box on a night away ???
That is so dad that you are crying but this may be the first day of a happier you in the long run

Actually angry for you

I got really upset and told him how I felt. He didn’t really say much and is now still playing it.

I don’t really know what I want, I wanted us to grow old together as a family. Enjoy family time together, I know it sounds stupid but I’d love to just be enjoying his company, whether that’s watching a movie snuggling together or playing charades.

He’s obviously not thinking the same. It’s so sad. After all that’s happened recently, I honestly thought this would be it, we would reconnect.

I feel like such a fool, I totally embarrassed myself by walking out in new pjs, it took me all my courage to actually walk in the room. I got nothing. I feel like such an embarrassment

www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/

His action is telling you all you need to know.

My h did that exact action with a computer game and I gave him 2 more years. 2 more years and I still cried because i loved him.

Right now your partner knows you are unhappy. He knows you want to feel important and you are craving his attention.

He doesn't give a shit.

They weigh you up and down. If he thinks he's overstepped it then in a couple of days he will be a bit nicer. Til next time.

You are lucky you found out now.

What is this male obsession with xbox anyway? The writing is on the wall. Make your exit plans. Wish a lady would take me on holiday...

@OhioOhioOhio that’s exactly how I feel. He knew I was upset and didn’t give a shit.

Same happened again tonight, I had a chat and it’s over, I’m done. I have nothing left to give. It shouldn’t be this hard, I shouldn’t have to beg for his affection.

I’m so upset as I still love him, it’s just clearly over.

I really hope your in a better place now.

And @Arnoldthecat, I wish I knew 🤷‍♀️ I don’t even mind him playing it, he’s not one for going out getting drunk etc... I absolutely don’t begrudge him doing things he enjoys, but this is more than that.

Has he ever been affectionate? Or is he generally like this? He might find the emotional side of things tough. Which might mean he's not the right guy for you but doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad person.

If this sort of thing happens often i.e. not appearing to care when you're upset, lack of empathy etc, perhaps it could be low emotional Intelligence?? Might be worth reading up on it. It's a terrible feeling to be on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour. I'd have lost it and smashed the Xbox up lol.

@busybarbara he used to be so loving. I think maybe I used to have different expectations, I grew up with constant affection, he didn’t and as I grew to understand that, I accepted it.

The thing is though, he started to become a really affectionate loving person. I guess it’s just fizzled.

We’ve been through a really rough patch recently, no cheating, just a really crap time. I thought we were trying to work on things, he said that’s what he wanted too but his actions haven’t said the same.

I’m done though. I’ve tried so hard and no relationship should surely be this hard. I’m not going to keep fighting and getting nothing in return.

It’s done

Josie2014 That’s how I felt 🙈

I can’t say it’s low emotional intelligence as he hasn’t always been this way. I don’t know what it is and I’m tired of trying.

There is so much more to the story and we are both at fault in many ways but who isn’t? I just thought we were both on the same page and finally working at building our relationship again.

I'm so sorry OP, it's shocking that he continued to play games and ignore you even when you clearly told him you wanted to spend time with him. Take care and plan carefully before you make any moves.

@BlueJava thank you and I will. I’ll keep up the charade for the rest of the holiday and probably Christmas to most people.

Will start making plans when I’m thinking straight

How are you getting on?