Emergency I've Been Dumped strategies, please

[largeprintagathachristie]

Any first-three hours or first three days tips about dealing with an ended relationship?

Stopping crying - I can't seem to manage it. Cue migraine.
Eating - I can't
Dealing with nausea
Dealing with turning up to work. I genuinely don't think I can.
Sleeping

Me 40s/him 50s; we've been in a relationship for a year. He dumped me in a six minute call while I was in the middle of a busy day at work.

Rightly or wrongly, this was a high stakes relationship for me, I know I have low self esteem and other issues (I thought cleverly hidden and I have been working on them) which are now shouting at me; you're unlovable, you'll never have another relationship and other such beauties. It all sounds eminently believable right now.

I don't have any family in this country, and none that are close.
My life will change significantly without this relationship and it currently seems too hard.

These things are all normal @largeprint .
Give yourself time to recover.
I am sure there is someone out there for you .

Make sure you do eat well . Do things that you like.
Sleep is good!

Book yourself a day off at work as soon as you can, so you have something to look forward to. It will help you to keep going in in the meantime. Plan something nice for that day-meet a friend, go for a nice lunch out, whatever would be a nice treat for you. If you don’t make it out and spend your day off crying with tissues, netflix and a tub of ice-cream mixed with leftover brandy, big deal.

I know I have low self esteem and other issues (I thought cleverly hidden and I have been working on them) which are now shouting at me; you're unlovable, you'll never have another relationship and other such beauties

Throw yourself into resolving this once and for all.

It all sounds eminently believable right now

It will sound believable at the moment, but it is untrue. Find out why!!!

[flowers[

Big hugs - survival mode is needed here! Take the day off work, the week if you can. Write down everything that he did which annoyed you and think in the future if you'd have stayed with him ( there must have been stuff if he can end a relationship over the phone). Get rid of his stuff or anything that reminds you of him (if you cant bear to throw it , just box and hide. Write a list of all the things you can do without him, travel, redecorate, start a business, look up bucket lists on google for ideas etc. Get a box and fill with treats - candles, self-help books, magazines, body lotions, chocolate etc - Allow yourself to cry, but not too much and thank your lucky stars that you found out now before you invested anymore in this guy. BTW you are hugely lovable - never be with anyoe who things you're less than fabulous. Now you are two steps closer to finding the one who does see your value - lastly play 2 the left to the left - beyonce until you start to believe it. It can only get better sweetie
xxxx

short term - that Paul McKenna book I can mend your broken heart

long term - get some therapy and learn how to love yourself, which you are worthy of.

It will get better

Don’t over look alcohol and chocolate.

I'd really suggest Mindfulness... not just the westernized watered down things but the Thich Nhat Hahn material available on YouTube. Learn how your suffering is part of you and how to live with it. It was transformative for me. Plus his voice is relaxing and the subject matter will take your mind off going over thought loops.

I couldn't eat, everything tasted of ashes/dust. A mate gave me some protein powder that I added to drinks instead- still lost a heck of a lot of weight. Get into the fresh air- if only to help you sleep at night. I stayed off booze for a month afterwards it makes me maudlin (understatement). Take your multivitamins- especially D this time of year.

Thank you, all.

If you're remotely partial to physical or outdoor activities/sports - take up an entirely new, attention demanding, challenging activity that forces you to concentrate on it eg indoor climbing or kayaking (i would say sailing but wrong time of year).

If it gives you a little scare/adrenaline all the better.

It will distract you and break the repetitive thoughts.

It will be something you don't associate with him, as long as you concentrate on it and minimise any intrusive thoughts (the more attention demanding it is, the better).

The exercise will help you sleep and want to eat too.

These are also usually sociable which is a great bonus.

If you're not into sports/activities, any new hobby/class that demands concentration is an alternative eg. Pottery, programming, languages .. again try your utmost to stop any thoughts about him/the relationship intrude so it's a space and time free from it and there's no association.

Also a novel or film or series etc that is gripping/absorbs and distracts.

Going to the cinema often gets you absorbed in a film more than just watching it at home.

A trip away somewhere if you can afford it and time off.

You’re a decade younger than him. Bonus.

YouTube meditation for when you can’t sleep - self love, mending a broken heart, healing - have a search. Lauren Ostrowski Fenton and Jason Stephenson are lovely for helping you drift off: lots of topics.

Vitamins. Films, lots of films. Treats and takeaways. Long hot baths. But yourself a gift or three. Haircut, massage. Find a therapist. Walks. Take photos. Buy a beautiful journal and write in it. Contact friends. Rest and sleep as much as you want. Paint your nails amazing colours. Cry. Watch another movie. Call a friend.

Hang in there - I bet you’re better off without this one. He’s not the one for you. There are loads more possibilities.

I just saw a violin in an ad on here; that's another great one for demanding concentration and distraction - learning to play an instrument or joining a choir if you're musically inclined.