DIY divorce - good idea?

[canary19]

Hi all, looking for some advice please! I'm wanting to split from my husband and he has suggested we don't get any solicitors involved to save money. I agree with this idea but am also aware that he has historically been controlling with money (one of the many reasons for me wanting out). I'm not looking to 'take him to the cleaners' or anything like that, just dont want to end up homeless, so just looking for a fair split. My biggest fear though is custody of our daughter - I'm happy to go 50/50 for my daughter's sake, but he has said things in the past (hopefully just in anger) to suggest that he'd be able to have full custody as he works from home or unemployed - I've had to go full time even though that was never the plan to support us but I'm scared that this will now go against me. He said he would go to mediation to sort this but again without solicitors present. Am I naive to not get solicitors involved for all parts of the process? xx

Bad idea! Very bad !!! If you have even the slightest doubt he won't keep his word financially/contact wise etc get a solicitor.

Good luck with it all.

No no no no! A solicitor knows where the pitfalls are, you don’t! My divorce settlement includes provision for my daughter at uni which my ex is now trying to wriggle out of. He can’t because it is court ordered and sorted officially and watertight! You don’t have the experience to do this and I guess you would be entitled to more than 50:50 if you are the primary carer.
Don’t trust what he says now. Trust only what is officially agreed and documented.

I did my own Divorce, managed ok £500 k of Assett split evenly. bit scary in front of the judge

Removalizer, did you represent yourself in Court? We're any costs involved for you? If so, did you manage to recover them from your ex? Also, assuming your ex would not settle informally, did the judve/magistrate take this into account when deciding the settlement? Just asking, as I may find myself in a similar situation at some point.

You have to be sure you are not hiding anything, I was up against her Solictors it was terrifying but the district judge was great I knew things were in my favour as the kids lived with me, plus I knew that a 50/50 split was the norm which actually worked in my favour, there were no costs on my part and non were claimed from me, my ex kept the house and I kept the Businesses and property which were both valued the same

How old is your daughter, OP? Is she old enough to have a say in where she lives?

Ok, thanks for that. Glad it turned out well for you - you sound very brave! I would only be trying to claim my fair share and nothing more (according to the law and case law etc). Do you think the fact that you represented yourself gave you the edge, i.e., as in the district judge took more kindly to you? (I know unlikely as they have to look at things neutrally, and probably couldn't give a fig).

Nope!
Get a solicitor especially if he has form for being controlling with money. He will have his own interests in mind.
You need to ensure a fair deal for yourself and dd.

You need a Solicitor and preferably one who is well versed in the ways of such manipulative and controlling men. Seek legal advice asap. This man wants to further punish you and in turn your child for the gall to leave him. He is not doing this to save money, he is doing this to try and punish you further for leaving him. He will continue to remain obstructive post separation as well; he has not had any epiphany here and will somehow become nicer and or more reasonable.

I would also consider whether he should at all have anything like 50/50 access to your DD given his abusive behaviours towards you and in turn she. I would not at all do mediation with him precisely because of his controlling behaviours; it never is recommended anyway as a process with such men.

Sorry, I don't mean to derail canary19's thread...

You soon to be ex-husband is acting for himself any advice he gives you will be in his interests and not necessarily in yours

No to mediation too. He will manipulate the mediator against you.

It was a while ago my daughters were 17 and 13 who chose to live with me as their mother ran off with someone else, the district Judge took pity on me and shouted down my exs Solictors every time they tried to take advantage, when I was asked a question I didn't understand I didn't fudge it I simply said I don't know

My ex wife left me in a mess financially as she controlled all funds, I was fighting for my life

With even the sniff of controlling behaviour I would say get good legal advice. He will otherwise run rings around you

Thanks removalizer. Glad you came out of it all with what you were entitled to!

Thank you all for your advice - sounds like I need a solicitor!! xx

I did my own divorce. Fortunately my Ex and I agreed how to split assets and that I'd have custody of the children.

I think it would be much harder if there was any disagreement. If both parties can agree everything between them, there is no need to get solicitors involved, it's just filing in some forms. It cost me under £400 in total, so a fraction of what friends/family have paid out in legal fees. My brother's divorce cost about £4000 in fees and they had no kids and agreed everything fairly amicably.

However, I wouldn't recommend the DIY route if you can't agree on the important issues and if your Ex is being difficult. If in any doubt, get a solicitor.