Dear All, I am picking up on an old thread I posted about something my husband did which was unforgivable, (please search back via my username) as I wanted to give an update in the hope to help anyone in the same situation. Thank you for all the advice and your comments at the time 
If you can't be bothered to search, in a nutshell, he left me in a shopping centre and took our 5 year old daughter home without telling me and didn't answer the phone, only because I wanted to pop into a shop for a minute. I searched for them and tried to call, eventually I got home and he was on the sofa and said 'like this you would never leave again without telling me where you were' (he knew where I was - this was his way of manipulating me and controlling me). He also always called me names and was very emotionally abusive in many other ways. I could go on and on...
I never forgave him for what he did, but sadly I stayed with him for a while longer....3 years after this happened I finally had the strength to kick his butt out of my house. It took that long for me to work up the courage. The last 3 years together were difficult, but I completely changed and became cold and distant. He tried to be better, but he had lost me already and nothing he could do was ever going to change that. So he started drinking more heavily and verbally abusing me most nights and a couple of times even physically (calling names, spitting, pushing, once punching me, threatening me) - all this happened when my daughter was in bed.
I am not sure what finally gave me the courage, but two things were very much important:
1)my daughter was getting old enough that I could not hide his behaviour from her any longer as she was going to bed later and he would already be drinking (i know this sounds pathetic and naive, I know now that she sensed a lot more of what she could see and I could not protect her from his toxic ways as long as he was with us)
2) telling my mum of everything he was (she was incredibly supportive)
I was so scared to disappoint my daughter and teaching her this is how a man treats a woman. And she would then end up with a man like him because that's all she knew!
My number one advice is please please please share the truth of the abusive treatment to your loved ones. I was hiding it from everyone and defending him.
It was partly the shame of having fallen for such an idiot and the shame for having stayed so long.
Abusive men like him destroy your self-esteem so cleverly, they make you think you don't deserve any better. They make you think you are ugly and horrible and crazy and you REALLY start to believe it. They are intelligent, manipulative and incredibly selfish and all they care is themselves, they are charming and loving one minute and evil the next. If you recognise these traits, please go! It only gets worse if you stay and it only gets better if you go.
I am now two years free of him. The day he left my house forever (it took him 7 months) was the best day of my life, after giving birth to my daughter, and I have since met a wonderful, kind man that loves me and treats me like I know I deserve. My daughter is thriving and incredibly happy and so different from who she was, always in a good mood now and benefitting from a peaceful and loving home and seeing her mummy happy, instead of fake happy. Importantly she is also learning how a loving man should treat a woman.
My ex lives abroad and he is already married again (not surprisingly men like him jump from relationship to relationship as they cannot be alone, one day he loved me, the next day he loved someone else) - he sees our daughter every 6-8 weeks and speaks to her on Facetime twice a day. He is a good father and loves her loads.
He is still trying to manipulate me sometimes, but he never goes far with it as he knows he has lost all the power. He has spinned everything around and has said to everyone that cares, that it was all my fault and that I was crazy and abusive towards him. I don't really care, whatever helps him sleep at night.
I sadly and suddenly lost my mum this February, on my daughter's 10th birthday of all days, and dealing with this grief has been terrible, but my partner has been there for me all the way and I will be forever grateful to my mum for her support and how much strength she gave me. I know she would be so proud of me. She had met my new partner and was over the moon with him and said he had such kind eyes and you could see how much he cared for me and my daughter.
We are now trying for a baby sibling for my daughter and for my partner's son and life looks better than ever. Please do not ever ever think there is no way out and no future, because there is. It will get better! Tell a loved one and go from there. Take the first step, and all the steps after that will come easy!!!! Thanks for reading, love to all that are this situation and please message me if you need any advice or help.