Why don't I want to have sex?

[Tabkat]

DD is 5 months and I just don't feel like it. We had sex 2 weeks after cs but since then it's been once or twice a month at best. I just feel I'm going through the motions and don't enjoy it at all. Am on here now as an excuse to keep away from bed! Is this normal?!

Yes, it is normal for some people! Especially tired mums of young children.

Is dh just not that good?

I am joking btw Well, it made me smile anyway, but then it's late & I'm high on caffeine

we had no sex for 6 months, then once a month-ish, and even less now ds is 19months! we are both so tired and have to 'schedule' an early night. you need to dp some romantic things as well so you feel close to your partner again.

It's not uncommon. Without being too indelicate, is it more uncomfortable now than it was before? (I note you had a CS but that can sometimes lead to a bit of internal discomfort for a while during deep penetration) Is your DP/DH helping you round the house and making sure you get some rest?
Quite a lot of it may be due to the general chaos of new parenthood: you're tired, anxious and possibly dealing with a lot of mixed messages from your own past about whether or not "parents" should be doing dirty rude things...
5 months isn't that long, so go easy on yourself - especially as by your reckoning your'e doing it about once a fortnight.

Blimey I didn't 'feel like it' for about 3 years and then when I did found out I was pg again. Sadly I was just starting to get my mojo back. Hopefully when DH has his dick cut soon, I will get it back then.

we can go for months without. 2 littlies, just so knackered all the time. I can't imagine ever having a libido again. But at least we are both too tired, it would be horrible and pressuring if dp was lying there now waiting to pounce when I go upstairs... as it is I know he will be completely unconscious and impossible to wake up in the morning.
2 weeks after a section!!!!! I just couldn't have, I can't imagine how painful that would have been on my scar.

Oh and are you bf? I found that Bf made it a pain to have sex as I would leak when touched, also both times when I stopped bf I did notice that I felt like a bit of nooky so perhaps its something hormonal in bf mothers.

I used to be extremely highly sexed, had lots of partners etc then I got with my dh and we had our child and now I'm pretty much frigid (that;s my word, not his although I'm sure he thinks it). I am uninterested. It evens feels a bit sordid what with me being a mother and all now and I have gone completely the other way. Strangely, I do feel I could have sex with another person, but my co-parent? it always feel very weird and a bit distasteful. I will give into it if I absolutely have to - and I know that is incredibly hard for my dh - but I can't really get into it anymore. I think it is more common than anyone would like to admit.

Even thought I might have just worn my mojo out at one point but I think it's still in there somewhere..

Even thought I might have just worn my mojo out at one point but I think it's still in there somewhere..

I don't feel any discomfort.. just don't feel anything really! Still really fancy dh and we do have time to ourselves. Dd sleeps well and we have family help for nights out. Am just worried my relationship is going down the good friends route as it seems so long since we had any passion between us, on his part as well as mine really. Feel awful posting this but have a serious lack of people I can share this sort of stuff with.

Am not bf so can't blame that. I felt ready after 2 weeks, maybe because I had zero sex drive during pregnancy (I'm a laugh a minute girfriend obviously!)Just don't feel like it at all, with dh or anyone

Ok, so going to get into indelicate territory. Is it the penetration that bothers you the most? Are you, for instance, OK with a bit of heavy petting? Do you find you enjoy it once you actually get started?

Oh, and how does the frequency now compare to the frequnecy before getting PG? (ie has your DP always been keener than you?)

Im ok with all of it, can orgasm if i really concentrate hard (if you know what I mean). Just couldn't say I enjoyed any of it at all. Before I was pg we used to have lots of nights out and lazy days in bed, maybe now the timing just feels too prescribed?

It sounds a bit like you're just adjusting to parenthood. Which doesn't mean you're going to end up muttering "oh, pull my nightie down when you've finished", more that you need a bit of time to accustom yourself to the whole new life thing. Unless you have objections or issues with it, rude media (whether you want to call it porn or erotica) can sometimes be quite helpful.
Try not to fret about it too much as this is one of those problems where worrying about it makes it worse.

Thanks for the advice madamez. I will try not to stress about it - it's obviously not helping when I'm still up avoiding bed! The adult media would be a goer from me but dh is somewhat more prudish (more's the pity.

Hi there, just caught this thread. I was exactly the same after the birth of both my children. Tbh, I think deep down I felt a slight resentment that my husband wanted to resume sex when I had not long given birth - after all, whichever way you deliver, its life changing and physically and emotionally draining so why the hell should we then have to cater to their needs? (Sorry, tough time in the marriage right now so I'm not exactly impartial!)I think it takes time to adjust to your dual role of mother and wife and the wife bit has to take a back seat for a while and if you feel pressured by him, then you must voice your concerns or it will fester. I'm sure your libido will pep up, but your body is telling you that it isn't the priority right now. Give it time and enjoy your new baby!

i have no libido either - 9 mths after giving birth. my dp is lovely about it, and we make ourselves do some sexual stuff about once a week, just so it stays on the agenda. but i used to be a total sex kitten slut, and we had really good sex, and now it just doesnt even cross my mind. which is part of the problem, i never even think about it. ive tried reading and watching porn, which used to do it for me big time, but i just feel disinterested. when we're doing sexual stuff, i feel, broken. i get wet but im just wanting it to be over, it feels bothersome. not horrible, just not touching me in a real and good way.
part of my problem is ive had an anal fissure since the birth, which causes me quite a bit of pain and i might have to have surgery. it all feels too close! the other thing is we havent yet managed penetrative sex, ive managed 2 fingers, but i feel tight - like a born again virgin!!!
we both feel really sad about it - he's lost his sexkitten girlfriend, ive lost my self. im grieving really.
i am still breastfeeding and i havent got my period back. will i perhaps be horny again when i do???
he's off to play some gigs this weekend, and back on monday. im off to a 1st birthday party. sometimes i feel resentful and jealous and that if i was more than a mother i would feel more aroused. we have an open relationship, so theres always the chance he might have some sex with someone else, which will be good for him, and also perhaps helpful for me...maybe a little jealousy will kickstart my libido?
i never, ever thought this would be me!
xxx

Just to add that I felt much hornier after giving up bf-ing. Sex with rock solid, leaky boobs did nothing for me or DH. It was a big factor in me giving up bf-ing after 4 months. I'm sure that makes me a terrible mother in some people's eyes, but I just wantted to feel like ME again.

I also think that as far as Mother Nature is concerned, we are not supposed to want sex too soon after a baby is born. Sex is, after all, primarily about getting pregnant (it's only humans that use it as a recreational activity) and given that nature wants you to focus all your efforts on this baby, it's hardly surprising that she isn't also leaving you feeling like you are gagging for it.

Don't pressure yourself. It will come back in time. Nature will always prioritise the baby over dh's desires I'm afraid!!!