Over but need answers

[Catfan12345]

My marriage is over now after I caught him cheating. I need answers but he won't discuss it. I know it's not moral but is there anyway I can see his phone messages without touching his phone?

Hacking his phone is illegal. I totally sympathise but this isn't the road to go down.

Messages won’t help you. Unlikely he kept them.

There is a book that might explain some - it’s by a therapist who has worked with couples for years.
Esthel Perel - The State of Affairs....

Or look up her talks on YouTube.
It might give you some perspective on why.

You won't get answers, I'm afraid. It's just the facts you will have to accept, that he is a cheat and you are better off without him. Asking cheats for answers and they will just give you a load of lies, so it isn't worth it.

What answers are you looking for and why? If it is over then nothing will change that. You know he is a cheat so you have a good enough reason to end it and never look back with regret. That is your truth and you can own without his validation. He is a liar and a cheat, that is it.

Finding messages to an OW won’t explain why he cheated. It may fill in blanks about the detail of the affair but that is going to make you angry and hurt. It is only going to feed acrimony and bitterness. Neither of which will do you any good in the long run or even the short term. This is just picking at the scab and will prolong the pain.

Focus on coming to terms with being single and look to the future. Get past the anger and hurt and decide to be happy and secure as a woman on your own.

You are torturing yourself and would make yourself vulnerable if you hacked his phone.

What would you do if he went to the police?

there is nothing shocking in a cheater lying to you- he wont answer your questions and tbh whats the point in finding out further details. If you are sure its over then work on restoring your life. The best revenge is not caring