Any midlife crisis “success” stories? Please?!

[Flickadog1]

Hi ladies. My husband is in the throes of a deep MLC. He feels that at 42 time is running out and this has caused him to reevaluate everything. Our marriage was great (I thought) with all the usual ups and downs. We have four kids. I still really love him and am doing everything you’re “supposed” to do in this situation (enjoying life - throwing myself into the kids/work as best I can, giving him space, not pressing about the future). Knowing that every case is different, was wondering if any of you have been through the same thing and it all came good? Apparently most relationships ultimately survive MLC if you are patient. I’d be so grateful for any uplifting words. It’s prettu sh*t right now.

I'm sorry you're going through this. No relevant experience from me but didn't want to read and run. You don't really explain what his mlc involves. It would make me very uncomfortable to have to give my DH "space" after 4 children. Is he saying that he doesn't want to be married anymore?

Yes, in the sense that it was midlife and a crisis. He had a depressive episode during which it was difficult to see what caused it. In the end it was work. But for a time his behaviour was painful to take. However he recognised it and sought help. GP for a diagnosis and medication, alongside pastoral counselling and therapy.

That was transformative and he has totally turned his life around to the extent he is like the man I first met and fell in love with. He is interested in things, attentive and full of love. The issue was clearly work and it had been for a long time. Before the crisis he was getting steadily unhappy for a few years and not having joy in many things. But it would have been hard to pin that down and notice the change.

I think he needs to establish why he is in crisis or why he wants change. It’s hard to tell from your post about what is going on. But it seems he is not happy with your life and wants change. But you are content and can’t see anything wrong. In my case he was unhappy and didn’t want change which resulted in a depressive episode. So maybe you need to face what is wrong with his life.

A trip to the GP and counselling is in order.

Is it a mlc or has he met a new woman and decided the grass is greener? That seems to be the main reasons for mlc and if I were you I would start to prepare for the worst. Get your ducks in a row, take up hobbies, buy a new wardrobe, begin a more independent life, make him do more childcare.

My dh had a mlc and said he was thinking of moving out 'for a while' to see what it was like to be single and I made it clear that there was no 'for a while' and if he moved out the marriage was over. He was going through lots of stress (both his parents were hospitalised, one had cancer, one of our dc has asd and is hard work and I think the hard realisation that he was stuck in a lower management role in a large organisation and didn't have the networking skills to ever become senior in the way he thought he would when he was younger.)

He also said he perhaps wanted more children (it was my decision to stop at 2) and I checked all his electronics to make sure there wasn't another woman but it's possible he had a crush on someone at work, although he left his job a couple of months later so didn't stay in touch with anyone if he did.

We did a lot of talking mainly shouting and cleared the air although 3 years later I am still resentful of the pain he put me through and do now have a more independent life less dependent on him. He claims that he hadn't been happy for a while and gave examples where I had been a bitch and I do take responsibility for that and have made changes and we also discussed what he had done wrong. He claims he's happy now and we've resolved things but I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had separated. I had imagined that we would be together as happy old pensioners and it's sad I no longer have those dreams.

What has actually happened? Is he saying he doesn't want to be with you?

Marian Keyes wrote a great book about exactly this. Called The Break I believe.

What has he actually said to you? Sorry you are going through this.

My husband turned 50 and tried his hand with a girl almost half his age.. I'll never forgive him and no longer respect him. I'm waiting for the right time to take the rug right from under his god dam carpet slippers. His MLC has cost him his wife 🙌

I think a lot of men in particular suddenly feel old and not as relevant and family stuff suddenly seems dull and a bit ground hog day and they go and do stupid things . Thing is I think many women feel this too but often tend to react in different ways so it’s less obvious as a MLC

Hi flickadog?
Let’s hope your code name was created from something not foundling like the name? I’m sorry you are going thru this. I see so many men up and leave for no reason. None. We never really know what’s going on inside someone’s mind until they speak up or act out. Men seem to do the later. Hold it in till they react and reacting positive (if not experienced) is not the norm. There is ego, pride, fear, and a me-me-me feeling that rules and justifies. It’s not a cure but that site Thewifeexpert.com seems to have some answers or suggestions on how to deal with a man in midlife crisis. Best advice I was given after my hubby bailed with a girl that was nothing like me- was to just take care of myself. I got mad when others said this. What???? How??? Ugh!! But they are right. It’s hard to get there and when you can finally figure out how...your life gets easier. Then you SEE where to go and how to get there. Clear. Your life gets clear. Often times that’s when he comes back. Mine did. It’s been 4.5 years since he’s been back. It’s getting better daily with normal ups and downs. Cause no Marrisge or relationship is perfect. Remember that. Any affair- over time- not perfect. Sometimes worse! Tee heee!! Karma!! God bless!