Mum - Feeling a bit guilty

[Snakepit]

My son had a class assembly this week and I invited my mum to come along and watch as she usually does.

Problem is my mum is quite deaf in one ear so tends to talk louder than she thinks she's talking and this creates problems.

We got there early so were asked to wait in the (very quiet) corridoor outside the hall whilst the class were rehearsing inside. My mum starts to tell me about a coversation she had had recently more or less word for word including frequent use of the "f-word" and this was quite loud, I instantly started getting on edge as this always happens when she visits the school and I started to panick about what else she would say. In the end I got the feeling that the teachers could hear my mum swearing and I asked her to stop with the language in case we got thrown out and she realised and stopped.

Then we went into the hall, took our seats and when all the kids started coming in my mum started saying things like "which one is that poppy?" "is that that kid that was always bullying yours?" "look at that lads trousers, they have holes in..." thing is she thinks she's whispering but she's saying these things quite loudly and there were other parents all around us, any one of them could've been the parent of a child my mum was talking about.

Then she saw my friend and "whispered" 'isnt that claire? doesn't she talk to you when she's with her other mates? does she always go about with that lot?" but not only was she not actually whispering but she was making it obvious she was "trying" to whisper which made it obvious that she was talking about her!

In the end I just switched off and started to ignore her, gave abrubt one word answers and got a bit irritable every time she spoke as she was embarrasing me.

The last one was "is that hannah? she is quite chubby isnt she?" but "hannahs" father was sat behind us!! She doesnt say these things to be mean, she's obsessed with other kids weight as her own daughter (my younger sister) is obese and she compares to other kids but doesnt realise how loudly she does it.

Anyway when we left she seemed a bit upset and I felt really guilty as she had travelled on 2 busses just to get to the play and I'd ignored her and started being 'funny' with her as soon as it started but she doesnt realise why.

There is no use talking to her about it as she takes things VERY personally...should I feel guilty or was I right to be embarrassed?

I would try talking to her about it, and explaining how loud she was talking, and how you were worried she would hurt other people's feelings. I can understand why you were embarassed, certainly.

But surely the loud talking is one thing, but the talking about other people is another?

I think it's quite rude gossip about people in their presence like that, even if you are good at whispering.

I used to think she did things like this on purpose, for instance when I lived at my old house it was a horrible, rough estate and we started getting bother with the neighbours which started to spiral quite quickly making life unbearable.

One day me and my mum were walking past the neighbours house and it was summer so the windows were WIDE open and my mym looked and then said VERY loudly "have you been getting anymore bother with that Julie?". It just seems like she does it on purpose half the time.

Or we'll be on the phone, my partner will be here and she'll start asking questions like "has he brought any money this time? is he taking you out? what's he been like this weekend?" etc and she knows full well I cant talk about it when he's sat next to me.

I would be embarrassed, but it's her that is saying these things, not you. She is an adult, you're not responsible for her, eh? She's making herself look silly.

I've had to shut my mum up in a school play too, only because she talked through it & I couldn't hear what was going on. I told her I'd talk to her later & she took the hint.