Bloody DH! Just need to vent

[ImTooOldForThisShit]

DH has been a fucking arsehole tonight.
We have been together 20 years and have 2DC. It's been a relationship with a lot of fun times and love & laughter.
But partly due to his batshit family DH drinks too much & has a shitty temper.
He just looses it sometimes. And he can't shake it off or see how ridiculous and antagonistic he's being.
He has been at home sick all day today whilst I got everyone to school and went to work then picked everyone up from school and made their dinner and got them bathed and ready for bed... DH was going to read to them & put them to bed so I hopped in the bath to relax for 10mins...
The kids were just being kids and messing around and I could hear DS & DH arguing then all hell breaks loose. There is swearing and door slamming (both of them) DS is only 9.
Somehow our smaller DC managed to fall asleep whilst this was happening.
I know DH is tired and feeling unwell but I then have to spend the rest of the evening comforting DS whilst DH stomps around swearing and banging stuff in a very aggressive way in the other room.
DS is scared and crying and thinks it's all his fault. He says to me that he's scared to go to
sleep in case Daddy gets more angry and hurts him.
I put him in my bed and cuddle him and tell him it's not his fault that Daddy is a grown up and should control his temper and that he would never hurt him.
I know that DH will be hard on himself tomorrow about this and the effect it's had on DS.
But I'm just getting so sick of his inability to grow the fuck up.
This behaviour makes me think we would be better off apart. This makes me terribly sad as for the most part we are a happy family and I think a divorce would rip all of our worlds apart & destroy us.
I've asked him on a number of occasions now to get therapy and he always says he will but never gets round to it.

But I can't make him change can I? I honestly don't know what to do. 95% of the time all is well and we are all happy. I just feel like this anger issue is not going to go away is it? 😥

What do you think you are going to do when/if he comes home ‘not having enough time’ to do anything?

Also my first though on reading your update. I don't think he will do a damn thing - why would he? He's placated you with promises in the past and you've let it slide, so why would this time be any different?

DH had CBT. For the record, he had a history of losing his temper to a crazy degree in other situations too. Also on only the very odd occasion. There was, and is, a lot of background and issues and expectations and challenges that all fed into it. But I didn't want my children to grow up having to be on tenterhooks all the time. which is something I experienced to a certain extent in my own childhood. Even more importantly, DH didn't want that for his children either....

This level of verbal aggression is domestic violence and it is being aimed at a 9 yr old who does not feel safe in his own home and with his own father. He is 9. From a mental health point of view he has been beaten black and blue.

Now rephrase the bit about a good father

Thanks bling. He has called a therapy centre to make an appointment. He doesn't want to behave like this. I'm seeing this as something he should at least try. He doesn't mostly behave like this.

The other people writing comments about how terrible this is for my children should know that I agree with them. Hence I have told him this morning that I don't want to be with him if he doesn't get counselling and address his issues.

I have been with him long enough to know that he will only do something if he wants to and not just because I say he should.
I think he shocked himself last night to be honest.

That is actually horrific, your husband is a bully and is terrorising a 9 year old, the child is terrified, and no wonder. He will grow up to be exactly the same as your husband, awful!

Worst of it is he then further terrifies the kids to make them even more anxious and have a disturbed sleep, whilst you are left to smooth over and comfort them, disgusting.

He has fuck all intentions of changing his behaviour, he's showed you that over and over and this has been going on long enough, about time you put your children first and not this selfish immature bully.

I have a batshit family. I don't drink to excess then terrorise my family. Do you think I am some kind of freak? Stop making excuses for him.

Do you have evidence of the call/appointment?