What makes a psychopath?

[Coffeeandcrisps]

I’ve written this thread about 6 times now, and I keep deleting it.

Basically, I am a bit worried I am one? I saw my ex today and he very calmly explained why he though I was, which I could probably explain away, but my mum has called me one in the past too, and it seems too much of a coincidence that the 2 people who knew me best think the same.

For context and being brutally honest about myself: I am quite controlling and can detach from situations and become cold quite easily. I am quite intelligent and analytical, and if someone argues with me I prefer to retreat and then come back when I’ve thought it all through. That said, if I do lose my temper, it’s horrible and I press the self destruct button massively. People seem to think I’m life and soul of the party, but I don’t really like people, and need to be on my own to cope with the social side of it - so I’m probably quite fake about it? People seem to like me and I’m popular, but I have only a few close people to me. I’d rather be on my own.

I was sexually abused as a child, so I know I am ‘damaged’ so to speak, and in the interests of full disclosure - I saw a psychotherapist for a year and I said I was worried I was a psychopath and she said she didn’t think I was one, but I’m worried I manipulated / fooled her into liking me and therefore she didn’t believe this. I saw another therapist for 2 sessions and she said she felt I was abusive and manipulative.

Lastly (sorry, I know it’s long!) I struggled with my break up a lot at the time and posted on here at length about it. Posters were quite vocal (in the way only you lot can be!) that my ex was controlling and abusive, which I agreed with once I had had some time to see it, but I still feel that I made him that way and almost manipulated him into acting the way he did? I welcomed him hurting me. I realise that’s totally fucked up by the way.

Please be kind, I’m genuinely worried I’m totally fucked up and have tried to be as honest as I can be about my faults.

Sorry a bit rambling from me...in summary I think it's a spectrum and it's possible to have some elements of character that are similar to being a psychopath without others.

I also had an abusive childhood (violence and emotional rather than sexual) and think it meant I felt I could only rely on myself so amped up characteristics that help get through traumatic times (logic, emotional detachment, problem solving - which includes manipulation) and reduced areas that would have been counter productive (emotionality, vulnerability, reliance on others, etc).

I also have bipolar disorder which has been mentioned by other PPs. I suspect there are common mechanisms that come into play when a developing brain is subjected to trauma that scientists don't fully understand yet.

Anyway....I am happy with myself now. Over much therapy (with good ones) I've worked on things that I wasn't happy with or that were causing me problems (e.g. manipulation) and have kept the things I still like (high level of logic rather than emotion).

It's not something I have any choice about. I don't enjoy it, I just don't have any emotional response to it.

I can't choose that anymore than you can choose having an emotional response to it.

'I saw another therapist for 2 sessions and she said she felt I was abusive and manipulative.'

'The second lady seemed horrified by what I told her, and I didn’t go back after the second session when she called me a prostitute.'

You saw this therapist twice and she called you 'abusive, manipulative and a prostitute'. WTF?!! I would seriously consider reporting her. This is appalling behaviour!

Hi everyone, thank you again for responding so kindly

I definitely empathise, I find reading about kids hurt / tradegies etc really hard. I have little patience with people who say they are struggling / having a tough time though. I find I want them to pull themselves together. It sometimes doesn’t make me a good friend.

I can’t watch horror, but am excellent in an emergency. I just switch off and can be very logical and practical. I don’t seem to process in those situations like other people, but it does effect me afterwards.

With regards to the therapist. I actually nearly started a thread about her at the time. She told me I should move to get away from my abusive mother, and move my sons school so he didn’t have contact with my ex. I was trying to explain to her that I was the problem, that I needed fixing, I couldn’t just move my son every time I had a problem, but she felt I wasn’t committed to change. I considered reporting her at the time as if I had been more vulnerable (and I have been there!) then her advice and comments could have been disastrous. That said, it’s my word against hers, and I’m the one with the issues, so I don’t have much faith I would be listened to.

Also just to clarify, she called me abusice and manipulative as I was worried I had made my ex hurt me during sex, and that had given him the permission to start doing it out the bedroom. I said I felt good in a way when he hurt me, that it was almost like self harm, and she felt I was wrong to drag someone else into that - which I was, but it’s more complex than that I suppose. The prostitution comment was because when we split up I was struggling with starting again. I gave up my business to spend more time with my ex, and he financed my life while we were together. I genuinely loved him very much though, and I think it was a control thing on his part, and god knows what from my side. I just liked being with him, it felt safe and easy and it didn’t happen over night that way - death by a thousand cuts and all that.