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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

need advice pls regarding a mans behaviour

17 replies

Madonna76 · 19/11/2018 19:33

hi everyone,
im new to this site. id really like some advice or opinions about a guy i know whom i like, but im not sure if his behaviour is red flags or just bizarre. i am a survivor of bad domestic violence and ive not been involved with any men for two years now. im a single mumwith two young sons.
This man i know as his daughter is in my sons class at school, but i dont see him often as he is a sargent in the army so isnt there all the time. He is younger than me and a very good looking guy, which he knows! Anyway, for about a year now, he has been dropping hints that he finds me attractive, always through cryptic bloody messages on facebook. He turned up at school dressed in his army uniform, hoping i would go to bed with him clearly, but i ignored him as in all honesty im still very cautious of men and im not like that. plus hes very arrogant. he got the hump as i wanted to go for a drink first or something, but he wanted his way. so we had an argument and fell out. he then started stalking my facebook and i did get involved with another nice guy briefly back in august and as soon as i did that.....boom...he started seeing a woman. i got to the point where i felt a bit uncomfortable with his facebook stalking so i blocked him. The day i blocked him, my friend messaged me and said hes changed his profile pic to him and his gf. i said fine as i was waiting for that. he changed it back the next day! i still see this guy occassionaly at school and i didnt want any bad feeling, so i unblocked him and thought nothing of it. he then started to make crappy comments on his profile about my artwork. im an artist. i ignored it. i blocked him again and the same day i blocked him again, he changed his profile pic to another photo of him with his new gf. i thought hang on this is a bit odd now. again it was changed back two days later. fastforward to yesterday......id finally had enough and thought, yes i like this man physically, but not personality wise so i thought right, cut him off for good. so, i completely removed him from my facebook, phone etc..... 4 hours later, my friend once again said hes changed it again to him and her!..... what is going on here??
apparently his new gf is going to his mums for christmas etc so hes clearly into her. why is he doing this?

if i see him at school he walks right behind me too, but will never speak.
any thoughts. thanks x

OP posts:
ChiaraRimini · 19/11/2018 19:37

He's a dick.
He turned up at school in his army uniform hoping you would go to bed with him, but backed off as you wanted to go for a drink first ?????
Block, ignore, etc. Run a fucking mile. Work on raising your expectations for a man.

RagingWhoreBag · 19/11/2018 19:37

Life’s too short! Block, keep blocked and ask your friend not to tell you anything about him as you’re not interested! This one has more red bunting than the Bake Off tent!

RyderWhiteSwan · 19/11/2018 19:38

So he just wanted to shag you? I don't understand all this drama of blocking/unblocking on FB.

MadameButterface · 19/11/2018 19:39

Just keep him on block and stop obsessing about him. Live your life and let him live his. He sounds utterly insane

Lichtie · 19/11/2018 19:40

Block him and move on. You both sound as childish as each other.

NewYear2018 · 19/11/2018 19:40

He turned up at school dressed in his army uniform, hoping i would go to bed with him clearly, but i ignored him as in all honesty im still very cautious of men and im not like that. plus hes very arrogant. he got the hump as i wanted to go for a drink first or something, but he wanted his way

Block him
Stay away from him
Stay off Facebook

assuming OP isn't a hairy handed person

SparklesAndUnicorns · 19/11/2018 19:41

Never I understood the whole blocking and unblocking, if he is that horrible get rid of him and ignore him, he sounds arrogant not sure why you're giving him the time of day

Madonna76 · 19/11/2018 19:41

lol. that made me laugh. i genuinely would have liked to been friends to be honest.

OP posts:
Madonna76 · 19/11/2018 19:44

i have. ive deativated it. come off it completely.

OP posts:
category12 · 19/11/2018 19:46

Why is he doing this? To keep you off-balance and giving him headspace. Which he's doing very successfully.

Just keep him blocked and stop paying attention to what he does, and tell your friends to stop updating you on his FB antics.

Aren't you incredibly off-put by his posturing and twatty nonsense?
If not, have you done the Freedom Programme?

HundredMilesAnHour · 19/11/2018 19:46

Are you 12? Why are you so wrapped up in what he does and why he does it? He doesn't sound like a good guy. You know that. So block him and stop interacting. Who cares why he changes his profile picture or what comments he writes? And as for wanting to be friends with him? That's just b*llshit.

Isadora2007 · 19/11/2018 19:46

Ignore him. He sounds like bad news and you’d be shitting on your own doorstep so to speak as your kids are at school together. Yuck. Just walk away and block and ignore.

BumbleBeee69 · 19/11/2018 19:47

sounds very complicated, best stay away OP Flowers

Madmozzie · 19/11/2018 19:50

He turned up at school dressed in his army uniform, hoping i would go to bed with him clearly,
Really? You could tell that because he turned up wearing his work clothes, at a time when he's very likely come straight from work?

Livingoncake · 20/11/2018 01:46

You said you like him. Why? What do you like about him? I haven’t seen any likeable qualities about him in your OP. Beware of liking a man simply because he pays you attention.

A rule of thumb for future dating: if he’s into mind games and bullshit, move on. Men who do that are simply feeding their own ego and making you feel insecure by constantly wondering where you stand. If a man is decent and worth your time, he will be clear about how he feels.

I agree with the PP who suggested the Freedom Programme. I think it’s possible this guy has targeted you because you’re vulnerable.

Villagelifer · 20/11/2018 03:03

What PP have said and tell your friend to stop giving you updates on him. You don't need to know what he's doing, Facebook or otherwise.

SimplySteve · 20/11/2018 03:24

he wanted his way

Makes my skin crawl, would actively avoid him, and keep him blocked everywhere.

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