IABU but need to vent somewhere

[aidelmaidel]

I luffs DH, I really does. And I know I signed up for all this when I married a man with a chronic bowel condition.

But.

This morning I got DD up, BFed her, fed her breakfast, emptied and loaded the dishwasher, put away laundry, put on new laundry, entertained DD, undertook a search-and-destroy mission in the fridge, got me and her dressed, and had half a cup of tea, while DH was on the toilet grunting and reading his phone.

And I can't vent any of this at him, it's not his fault his guts are iffy. He's been to loads of doctors, he's had all the treatments, one of the treatments gave him cancer so that was rubbish, he has a really boring diet of easily-digestible stuff...and it obviously sucks having a chronic condition that ties you to the shitter for hours every morning...

...but when I go in there to brush my teeth or hose off DD or something, he stops reading with a guilty sort of look, and gets off the pot and pootles around making the tea or getting his breakfast, until the next time he feels he needs to run back in there, which suggests to me that perhaps he is doing slightly more hiding out reading than is really warranted...

...and I wouldn't mind a bit of time to myself in the mornings as well. And now DD is napping and it IS my time, but I'm too pissed off to do anything useful. And anyway it's snowing so the next thing I have to do is go shovel the path and the drive and the fire escape. Can't shovel snow when you're constantly on the bog, how convenient.

it's SNOWING

where are you Lady? [santa]

Canada, for the moment. Proper foreign. It's quite nice here mostly apart from having to shovel the drive in November. Considering taking DD to nursery on her toboggan today. Easier than getting the buggy over the snow.

Goodness me it wounds wonderful, okay now I have snow envy well apart from DH of course. However, I think you are correct, he's hiding out relaxing reading the daily's, in the loo, whilst you run around sorting out everything

Mine had the same condition. Insanely annoying. He was looking at porn the whole time. Took the phone out of the equasion and toilet time all but disappeared.

What @Catsick36 says..
Mine was being investigated for a bowel condition, colonoscopys, etc.. toilet breaks 3/4 times a day up to an hour each time.. turns out he was browsing reddit porn subreddits the whole time...
Now he can have his toilet time without his phone. He reads a book now and funnily enough doesn't need half the time now..

Hiding the phone in the mornings isn't on, is it...or dropping the bloody thing in the loo...nice though that would be?

How do you get them to agree that phones don't go in the toilet? I feel like to get my DH to agree to that I would have to pry it from his cold dead shit-covered hands.

Well browsing porn on the loo for hours should be a deal breaker for most marriages, whether porn itself is acceptable or not, especially when your left minding dc for hours on end. If your dh is genuinely stuck there for hours innocently reading the news I'm not really sure how you'd go about it. But a lot of men have an ability to take advantage of their toilet breaks it seems....

I'm in Canada too btw!

can you switch off the wi-fi

just a thought

Oh god I have one of these too. He has an hour long luxury shit every morning while I’m dealing with 9 month old. And don’t get me started on the luxury showers that steam up the entire house. I walk in on him all the time so it’s not wanking. Just pretending to poo to avoid responsibility. It’s amazing he still has circulation in his legs the amount of time he spends on the bog.

Just a thought. Is dd perhaps close to being toilet trained? If she is, give dh responsibility of the task seeing as he’s such an expert in that department. Hv advise to let kids see grown ups use loo so they get the idea reinforced. At this rate your dd will be fully potty trained by the end of the week!

raincoat - yes! it's not wanking, unless he has the floppiest stiffy in the world ever, and experience would suggest that that is not the case.

I'll put the fear into him about cutting off his circulation. That should be amusing.

sadie ooh, where? Not in Quebec are you?

I'd rather it was porn, in a way, because we talk about what we've been reading, and I'd much rather talk about porn than about Trump.

switching off the wifi would just send him over onto using data. Or he'd come out, restore the wifi, and retreat back in. I may have unplugged the router once or twice just to see what would happen

It won't be long now before I can suggest to DD that if she wants to play in the morning she can go into the bathroom and play with Daddy. I'll set up a nice little shelf of board books in there and suggest that if he's going to spend so much time reading, he can read to his daughter. Ha!

aidel I do similar with DS (3) and DH "go and ask daddy about X" funnily enough, the luxury toilet trips are cut in half with an audience..

I'd vote for sending DD in or you can discuss reading about the amount of harmful germs that accumulate on mobile phones that are used in the bathroom. You then have your way to suggesting that they are kept out, for health and safety of course!

Chronic bowel condition reporting. I spend between 30mins-over 2hrs each time, and at this time of year it's pretty bloody cold at 2am with an extension loo. However, most cbc's come with bowel urgency and are very unreliable. I couldn't "book a slot" so to speak, which your hubby seems to be doing. Snow? Cold? Can you turn the heating off in there ;)

I'm in Toronto, so probably not as snowy as you, but still pretty snowy

Also just to add, I have Chron's disease, dx 20 yrs now, so not being totally unsympathetic.