Thought this might be a good place to get some opinions on something that I am not sure about, and possibly overthinking.
Out of a long term marriage, 20 years +. Very unexpectedly met someone, which wasn't in my plan, but then again things don't work that way. Was quite happy being single for 2.5 years so meeting someone and falling for them wasn't in my forecast.
Don't want to dripfeed but also don't want to blether on either. Met someone, after knowing him for some time, have been chatting daily and meeting up whenever possible. This is because we live quite a distance away from each other. When he comes to visit me, he stays in a hotel as i wasn't ok with him staying with me as my dc have been through a bit of turmoil and I didn't feel it right that he stay here. When I go to him, I stay with him as he lives alone, his daughter lives with her mum.
We have seen seeing each other around 6 months now, and I really have fallen for him. Not in the love at first sight type of relationship, it started more gradually and when I don't see him, I miss him a lot. We speak very openly about everything and I do see us as a making a good couple. Very well matched, similar interests, know his family background from years back, so he isn't a stranger, but we were never involved romantically in the past.
I am guarded. I know this. I have come through quite a time, a long marriage, a difficult divorce and had the mindset that I was happy to never meet someone again. My children have been through a lot as a result too. DP understands this, and we have been open about it, he has agreed to take things slower if need be and also to take a step back if i feel he's pressurizing me. This came up previously in discussions, as coming from an EA relationship, I tend to pick up lots of things and overthink these as possible red flags, when they probably are not, just someone else's way of doing things ( I married my first partner so really not very experienced in living with anyone else but my ex).
The conversation turned to him finding the fact that we only see each other two or even one weekend a month if we are lucky, difficult and he wants a bit more. As he lives so far away, he is willing to move, as it would just be easier for him re work (he can work from anywhere), his daughter is off travelling so doesn't need to be based where he is. He has a house which is a factor, and doesn't want to sell at the moment if at all possible. His suggestion is that he moves in with me, for various reasons, which include that my ds will be leaving home soon, only my dd and I will be living here, he keep his house and we use that for weekends to go to when we can. He isn't short of money so financially is not the issue. He feels that it is right and he sees a long term future for us. I do also see a future, but I just am not coping too well with the him moving in thing. I cannot put my finger on one thing in particular, so i think its all my overthinking that is clouding me. I don't know why I always have to consider all the negatives without considering the positives just as much. I really do love him, its that kind of relationship that is just comfortable and there are no pretenses and I can just be myself around him.
But there is just this something, I don't know what it is, if it will be because of my lack of independence, I know I have become very independent as I have had to be the last few years, the changes that living with someone else will bring, or the fact that I just cannot let my guard down enough to allow him in all the way. I don't want to push him away, dare i say, i just feel a little pressurized at the moment. There is no set date of when, it was purely a discussion of what he thought might be the next step forward for us, which does make sense for various reasons. But this churn in my stomach. What is that??