It's the end isn't it

[Iamtheoneandonly2018]

Long story so bear with me

Been with DP 3 years. I have DD 4 he has D's 14 who has ( undiagnosed ASD ).
DP has DS EOW Fri teatime and drops back at mums 25 miles away) at 7pm Sunday.
I have worked really hard at getting DS to like me ( listened and given advice when he's confided in me about issues at school ) respected his privacyand accepted his moods and tantrums.
However, this weekend I've had enough. DP helped sponsor a film - if it was ever made his name would be on the credits and he got free tickets.
This was this weekend ( his weekend with DS). I said I would look after DS whilst he went to see film ( 40 miles each way so 3 hours Inc film)
Took DD and DS swimming then to mine. Decided to go out for tea so asked DD to choose 2 options DS 2 and me 2. Told them we would roll a dice and whichever number came up would go with that option. Rolled a 2 which was DDs choice. Cue DS having strop as he's had that option Pizza Hut twice already this week. He strops upstairs, rings his mum who comes to collect him. Ds mum annoyed as DP left DS in my care on HIS weekend. DP finally responded to my calls - gets stressed, says this is not working and ends it. 1 hour later comes to.mine and says he's sorry and didn't mean it. I've had enough ( am still angry about it tbh ). WWYD?

So so. Thanks for asking.

Sorry Groov- I clicked reply on your post but MN just posted this randomly!

@MyKingdomForBrie

Well I would have just asked him where he wanted to eat given as you only have him EOW but that aside, it sounds like your OH was really unsupportive.

So he should always take precedence over OP's own daughter, get to choose everything? Meaning OP's DD will grow up learning that she's always second best. Fuck that.

I treat them fairly. I have a grown up son with ASD. I like to think I have a fairly good idea of what I'm doing.
DP struggles with disapline and just gives in as that's the easier option. I'm guessing his mum does too. If so I am in a lose lose situation

Hence trying to embrace singledom ( and it hurts A LOT).

Sending you a massive hug. It will get easier. This is the worst bit xxx

Thankyou Groove and Mrs

@lookatyourwatchnow well no - she chooses all the other times when he is at his mothers. I have a dss and a dd and on the weekends we have him we tend to work around what he would want/like to do as we see him so much less than we see dd. They have a lovely relationship and there's no suggestion of him having precedence.

So DS gets what he wants at his mum's then when he sees his dad too? Hmmm

Did you know he’d had Pizza twice already, before the descion was made? If you did then I don’t think it’s surprising that the boy had a bit of a strop, especially as he has asd.

That aside, the way your partner dealt with it was awful, and as you say this isn’t the first time, I’d split with him.

Lizzie thought I'd already posted the answer. AFAIK his mum NEVER takes him out AT ALL ( aside from the weekly shop at Aldi- )unless it's an occasion eg birthdays so I never thought to ask

Iam, what I meant was had your stepson told you he’d had pizza twice? If he didn’t then he shouldn’t have gone in a strop, as you weren’t aware.

If on the other hand, he had told you and you dismissed it, then you can understand why he was upset.

Bit as I said, it doesn’t really matter, your partner sounds an idiot.

Lizzie - if he'dve told me of course I wouldn't have suggested it / agreed it to be an option.
As I've already stated he v rarely goes out at all.

what have you decided to do for You and your own Child OP, because the 2 adults around you don't give a shit about you or your daughter. are you going to prioritise your own Child this Christmas

Well it doesn't sound like it no, as he never gets to go out there! Anyway that's not really the point as it shouldn't be relevant what happens at his mum's. My DH sees his son eow and his daughter every day. Therefore when he sees his son he makes sure he feels special and important and loved. My daughter gets to feel that from her dad every day of her life. It's not comparable really.

He isn't allowed to be rude/naughty, there's no Disney parenting, he just is made to feel important and appreciated by all of us, including his sister. He and his dad go off and do something special each visit and every time he asks to bring back a small thing for his sister, a prize he's won or similar. He values her and he feels valued, win win.

Anyway that was a side point really. I'd be worried as I said about your partners mental health but you have to do what's best for you and dd and if you feel that he doesn't value or support you then you need a serious talk with him, you're doing him a huge favour looking after both kids while he's on his jollies and he treated you very badly.

Ah but there is a key difference. My ( now Ex) DP is not my daughter's father.

Anyway it's all by the by now he's my ex

Oh fair enough iam I didn't see that, my bad.

How are you feeling? Who initiated the break up?

Him initially, then 6 missed calls followed by a visit to mine - me.

Good for you OP, you have done the right thing for you and your DD

Good for you op

The only adult in that whole story is you. DP is wrong, and his ex also. You’re fighting an uphill battle..